Lou's Random Blogness

Goalball

2008-11-30T14:20:00.003Z

A month and a bit ago J came and filmed me playing goalball and interviewed me about my faith and sight impairment. Here is the result. Just in case you've never heard me waffling about goalball - it's an AWESOME sport with 3 people on a team - all blindfolded facing another team the lenght of a gym apart. There's a ball with a bell in it - you have to roll the ball and try and get it past the other teams defence (they lie on the floor to stop it going over their line) it's lots of fun and quite painful! Go watch

By careful what you pray...

2008-10-21T16:24:00.002+01:00

A week ago today we had 'family time' in our house - this happens about every 2 weeks - we eat dinner, study the Bible and pray together. Last week we had a pretty awesome prayer time - remembering that Jesus died for us. We sang 'Blessed be your name' and then I prayed a really stupid prayer. You see - awful things have happened to our landlords family that I won't go into here, and we had a suspician that he might want his house back at the end of our 6 month contract (in December). I prayed something along the lines of 'Lord - if in this awful situation it is your will to boot us out of this house, then let it be and help us to say 'you give and take away, blessed be your name'' Oooh praying prayers like that is dangerous. Coz God might just answer them. And he did. The next morning we had a phonecall from our landlord in tears - asking if he could have the house back - not in december - but asap. Now, we really want to be in the hollingbury area, and it had taken us 4 months to find this house (very few 4 beds in hollingbury) but straight away we were on to Rightmove - there was a beautiful looking 4 bed house available in a street 5 mins from where we were. We looked at it that day, took it, then decided to move out as soon as we could and go live with others while we watned for the paperwork to go through. So we piled all of our stuff into the front room of our old house on saturday (it looks like a work of art!) and were homelessly limped off to be taken in by lovely friends. We've now found our moving in date is next monday (my birthday!) so we'll be in our new house by the time our next 'family time' is due. God has a sense of humour as well as being an awesome provider. But I may hold back on the scary prayers this time... just for a week or so...!

Lovin our street

2008-09-22T18:29:00.002+01:00

We had a house warming bbq yesterday and invited our whole street (ok so we moved in like 3 months ago - but we've not all been here properly til now! + the weathers been poo!) It was sooo nice inviting out street, lots of people were out (so we popped notes through their doors) and the people who were in were all lovely and up for chatting for a bit - and didn't appear to think we were weird (well they didn't APPEAR that anyway - who knows what they are actaully thinking!) they all appreciated the gesture. The bbq was lots of fun - two lots of our neighbours came and we had a great time getting to know them - they are all lovely people. But what's really struck me is the number of people who've made an effort to pop by having got our note and say thanks for the invite and t hey would have come if they hadn't been busy. I even got home today to a handmade Welcome to your New Home card from the family at no 12 - how cute! When we out inviting people I know I was a bit worried that people would think we were uber-kean weirdos. But actaully people are really touched by the gesture. I suppose we all crave community - we all crave a sense of belonging. Why else to we love watching Friends, Neighbrours even Eastenders? I love knowing the people in my street - its been a while since I have, but having made the intial contact with a lot of them now I'm looking forward to more chats over fences, maybe even popping round for cuppas... maybe I jsut want to be in Neighbours.. :o) but I do love my street

bus stops

2008-09-11T17:02:00.002+01:00

Wow that is an exciting title for a blog post - but I have been musing the randomness of bus stops recently. I use buses a lot now - seeing as I've moved out to the sticks and I've had some interesting conversations at the bus stop opposite my house. But it has struck me how randomly British these conversations usually are. They often go something like this:

Lou walks up to bus stop - sits down on cold, red plastic bench next to person A who is starring intently to the right.
They sit in silence until Lou sums up the courage - then,
Lou: makes some inane comment about the weather or the buses (buses usually work better)
Person A: agrees with inane comment - then continues to tell Lou their entire life story.
Lou: makes sympathetic noises and wonders how to talk to them about Jesus (more exciting than buses)
While this is happening both Person A and Lou alternate between looking at each other and looking to the right. At least one of them must glance to the right every 10 seconds.
Bus arrives (from the right) - Lou and Person A get on - they sit nowhere near each other and don't speak again.

This has happened sooo many times.

This is what happens on the way home:

Lou walks up to an AMAZING talking bus stop in the centre of Brighton and turns on her magic key fob.
Bus stop: Churchill Square stop E and F
People around looked surprised / puzzled
Lou presses the righthand button on her key fob
Bus stop: (now impersonating Stephen Hawking) The 5B to Hollingbury is due in 13 minutes.
People around continue to looking surprised / puzzled
Lou waits a few minutes and then presses the button again
Bus stop: The 5B to Hollingbury is due in 4 minutes
(they are never actual minutes - they are just periods of time)
Some surrounding people now trying to work out how it works and what triggers is
Lou feels smug and powerful
Bus arrives
Lou sadly turns off her key fob of joy and gets onto the bus.

The joy of certain hope

2008-07-27T17:47:00.002+01:00

Christ Church, Brighton has now had its first death in the family. Phyllis - who was 86 (I think) and incredibly lovely went home to be with the Lord last night. Christian old people are amazing. Her husband, Derek, rocked up to Christ Church a few months back (the Sunday after we'd been praying for old people together on the Wednesday). We're their closest church and although Phyllis has been housebound and never made a meeting its been such a joy having both of them in our midst - people who have been Christians for over 60 years - amazing. And seeing Derek cope with the death of his wife of over 50 years has also been inredbile. Instead of being mournful and bitter, he has been joyful and selfless. He knows where she is - she is with her Saviour in a far better place, a place of no more tears or mourning or crying or pain, and he's rejoicing in that. And Derek cares more about that than about his own state, left behind, missing her greatly - but joyful none the less. That is certain hope. And that is a real challenge - to live with the reality of eternity...
'Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown through Christ my own'

The way of the cross

2008-07-24T19:28:00.003+01:00

Ok so having not blogged since January quite a lot has happened in my life - I've moved house into Hollingbury where I want to 'live in community to impact the community' (ask if you wanna know more), I'm going to be properly employed by my church from September (I'll have to pay tax and everything!) and I've finished my 1st year of Porterbrook training. 2 weeks ago I was up in Sheffield helping wit the Crowded House's 'Summer in the City' week - what a week that was. It was a week where I was blown away by people in the Crowded Houses' commitment to the gospel - they obviously believed it was true and it showed in their lives. The had a nice little routine to it - in the morning we'd all meet together for prayer and Bible teaching, in the afternoon we'd go out into our separate communities (I was on the Manor team - we always gardened and we usually got soaked!) and then the evenings were spent doing some kind of relational thing (Jazz cafe, pub quiz type thing). The teaching was amazing. Tim Chester taught us on taking hte way of the cross. One day, we looked at 1 Peter as an example of how many times the theme of suffering followed by resurrection happens - look at it, its awesomely littered all the way through. The Christian life is about suffering - expect it - but glory will come. The Christian life involves 4 S's (though I can't remeber the last one) suffering, servanthood and self denail.

That is what taking the way of hte cross is. I think I often think of taking the way of the cross as being about the big decisions in life - and it is. People on the Manor team in Sheffield have all made the big life dicison of going to live on a rough estate when really they are all middle class and don't need to - most middle class peopel would run a mile from that place - but they haven't - they have taken the way of hte cross, as they love people and want them to know Jesus. But taking the way of the cross is far more than that. It is daily dying to self, it is daily putting others needs before my own. And that can be hard. That means that I will joyfully do the washing up again, even when I don't want, coz I'm valuing others over myself. That means I will help people, even when I'm tired, and spend time with people who I may find difficult, as they need to know Jesus' love too. And I'll do this not to earn God's love - I can never do that, but as a response to what Jesus has done for me. A reponse that shows that I'm not living for this world, but for eternity. I want my life not to make sense unless the gospel is true - and in the case I must take the way of the cross.

Ok, ok

2008-07-24T19:27:00.000+01:00

I'll blog again... Aimz has spoken...

Lou is... loved but dispensable

2008-01-13T19:40:00.000Z

Well 2008 hasn't been that fun for me so far - I've spent most of it in bed with a virus. Started chucking up at 1 am on New Years Day and haven't looked back since. Fun. But you know apartly God works all things for the good of those of love Him (so I've heard) so what has he been teaching me in the last 2 weeks of being ill?

1. He shown he loves me, by his people loving me 1 Jn 4:12-13 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us We see God when we love each other. I was with some friends from church when I first threw up. They kindly took me home, and instructed me to tell them how I wsa in the morning. In the morning it took a lot of effort to text them news of my not overly fun night. J phoned me back, told me he was coming to get me, and took me to another couple from church's house who looked after me for a few days. As J was driving me there, he was more concerned about whether I'd like the DVDs he'd selected for me to watch than if I was going to throw up in his car! Being ill is a time which is often incredbily lonely, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been lonely in the last two weeks, but having many encouraging texts, offers of food and company from my church family has definitely helped. I love seeing God's love so tangibly at work.
2. God's love for me is in no way dependant on me. In the last few weeks I haven't been able to do much for God - I haven't been able to read my Bible much, to pray much, to serve others much - yet I'm no further away from God than I would be if I'd been doing 2 hour bible study and prayer sessions each morning and constantly looking out for other peoples needs above my own. Because of Jesus I am as close to God as I can ever be. He lavishes his love on me anyway - no matter what I can and can't do. It isn't about earning God's love. Which I still find so hard to grasp. I went to our Friends and Family meeting this morning and found it so weird. I have no energy to do anything at the moment, so standing up for longer than 2 minutes was presenting a problem this morning, lifting and carrying was a definite no, no. Usually on Sunday mornings I would be running around, setting things up, tidying things away, welcoming new comers, looking out for the lonely. But today I couldn't - and that was weird. So often I do things either to earn God's love, or others approval - to not be able to do things has really helped me to look at where I get my approval from. Which leads me nicely to
3. Learning that I am dispensible. And that is not a bad thing. God graciously chooses to use me at Christ Church, Brighton - but he can also choose NOT to use me - he can choose to use other people, while I'm not around. I do love the fact that God is in control. I love the fact that as I lie in bed sick I don't have to worry about how things can get done without me - they will get done. God knew I was going to get this illness, blatantly things aren't going to fall apart beccause of it - the Creator of the Universe doesn't require Lou Waddington to be fit and active for his purposes to be carried out. Phew. So here I am blogging while Church in a Pub happens quite merriliy without me.
I'm not needed but I am loved - those are two great things to know

True Love

2007-11-27T09:31:00.000Z

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

Quantum Mechanics and faith?

2007-11-10T13:18:00.000Z

J (who is an RE teacher) interviewed me and Kevin (the physics geeks in our church) about quantum mechanics and faith a few weeks ago. The podcast is here (which is a brilliant website that J has produced about worldviews - it also has a really moving interview with Liz, one of my friends from church whose son had a brain tumour.)
Bear in mind this interview took place without much warning on a random car journey whilst I was knackered (these are my excuses for maybe not always explaining things as clearly as possible.. thankfully Kevin is generally more on than ball than me! (and I would like to point out that at one point it sounds like I arrogantly interupt to explain about Schrodinger's cat - but J has kindly edited out Kevin going 'Lou can explain this..') Anyway - its quite a random interview!

White cane-ing it

2007-11-04T21:43:00.001Z

This is my white cane. Most people I know don't know that have a white cane, most people have never seen me using it. That is generally because I don't really like using it and most of the time I don't need it (although some would say I should use it anyway as its a signal cane - ie I'm telling people I can't see... therefore they may be less likely to drive into me or something) However, I have started using it more reguarly recently - partly coz I realised that actually when my eyes are sore I can see very little and it probably is much safer for me to use the cane at these times. Using a cane can be quite hilarious - the way people respond to you is so different. Sometimes people just ignore it, for example I was using it in rush hour in London yesterday and I get pushed out the way pretty much as much as when I not using it (commuters ,ya gotta love 'em!) Sometimes (and this is probably my favourite reaction) people become uber-helpful in a nice way. I was in lost in Eastbourne a few weeks ago and stopped an old couple to ask for directions, which they helpfully gave. The old man then asked if I needed help crossing the road - very sweet but I'm sure it should be role reversal! And then there's the reaction I like least - people who think they are being helpful but are actually just being stupidly patronising. Thankfully I have no very recently examples of this - but there are oh so many examples in the past. They often involve people not talking to me, but talking to the person who is with me about me (eg 'Does she need any help?'), as if I am deaf and stupid as well as being blind (sight impaired) - seriously!! Does disability = stupid person?? I don't think so! I have a physics degree!! One of the reasons I don't like using my cane is that I know people will look at me and have preconceptions about me. The trouble with sight impairment is that it is in no way black and white (unless you're colourblind - haha!) It's not just like either you can see or you can't, there is a huge range that different people with sight impairment can see and so a huge range of ways we need to be helped. (I find it very difficult to describe what I can see, for as long as I remember I have been able to see like this - I don't really have anything to compare it to - what can you see?) It frustrates me a lot when people who I don't know just assume wrongly they know what I need, for example an aiport attendent at Stansted a few months ago made me sit in a wheelchair.. (obviously all disabilities are the same and the solution = wheelchair!) Sometimes I even pander to them and pretend I can see less than I can just to keep them happy. Why don't people just ask? I like it when people ask in a non patronising way if they can help, often I will politely refuse, but sometimes (usually when I'm trying to work out trains and they are seriously frustrating me...) it seems like a God send to have someone ask me that. Navagating your way around a new place when you can't read signs can be ridiculously frustrating, and having someone kindly ask if they can help is brilliant. I think everyone should be made to use a cane for a day... then people may have more of an idea how to be helpful without being patronising!!

My granny

2007-11-04T17:15:00.000Z

My granny died 10 days ago. She was a very kind lady. Here are a couple of incidents that sum up her kindness.:
* When I was 11 years old and broke my foot - she knitted a 'toe cosy' to go over the plaster so my toes wouldn't get cold.
* She often helped me, and subsequently other younger cousins to find the thimble in the aunnual game of 'hunt the thimble' in the Waddington family gathering. If you've never played 'Hunt the thimble' (and really, why would you have?) it's a very simple game - someone hides a small metal thimble in our living room while everyone else is waiting outside, the cry of 'ready' goes up and everyone piles into the room (bear in mind I have a large extended family, and elbows are often used in this process!) and looks for the thimble. A cry of 'found it!' will go up and we all dutifully pile back out of the room for the victor to hide the treasured thimble. As a visually impaired little girl, I'm not sure how I ever found this game fun, I guess having Granny (and others) help me to find it must have made it fun. Since growing up people have stopped helping me and it has become a lot less fun - usually involving hanging around in a corridor and not even getting through the door before some sharp eyed cousin or brother has located that darned thimble! But this is a game I will always associate with my Granny - she would always patiently bear with us, in our over competitive enthusisum or grumpiness and help the youngest and weakest to enjoy the game.
Granny Wadds - I will miss you!

The Bible is awesome!!

2007-10-22T22:03:00.000+01:00

I do love Sussex CU - they are cute (I could probably put that in a less patronisting way but I can't be bothered!! they are cute) I do love the Bible more though. It is just amazing. 66 books written by a load of different authors, in many different styles and genres, written over a time span of more than 1500 years, and yet it tells a perfectly consistant story centred around Jesus. It reveals an awesomely complicated but loving triune God, who made us to have a relationship with Him. He knew we were going to reject him, to say 'stuff you God' and turn away from Him even before He created us, yet he still did, he created us knowing that he was going to send Jesus to rescue and restore us, and He spends the whole of the Old Testament pointing towards Jesus. And because Jesus died for us, we can have that restored relationship with God that goes on forever, and will become perfect when Jesus returns. Awesome!!

Root of all evil = forgetfulness??

2007-10-15T20:52:00.000+01:00

Last week at Porterbrook, we learnt about 4 truths about God that we forget when we sin. Sin is about exchanging the truth of God for a lie, we give in to rebelling aginst Him, as we forget or distort who God is. We forget that:

1. God is in control - so I don't need to be. This means there is no need to worry, no need to get cross about things I can't control, no need to overwork - coz God's got it sorted. There are so many stiutations I need to remember this in - from huge life decisions right down to when I'm getting aggrivated at a bus stop coz the bus is late again - God is in control, why am I stressing?

2. God is bigger, so we don't need to fear others. This is something I find very diffiuclt - looking for people's approval rather than for God's. It means I can be tempted to constatnly compare myself to others, to tell small lies to make myself look better, to be scared of telling non-christians about Jesus coz I'm afraid they'll think I'm a freak, and getting overbusy as I don't want to say no to people. But its stupid, as it means I become controlled by people. And actually I'm not loving people anyway, as when I serve them out of wanting to win people's approval I'm actually only serving myself. That doesn't mean we should be dismissive of what people think of us, but rather we should fear God above people. (Fearing doesn't mean shake in your shoes, it means to respond properly to a holy God, that is love, worship, respect, submit to). It is only when we fear God that we are free to serve for love's sake, and not for our own self interest.

3. God is better, so we don't need to look elsewhere. This is something that can be really diffiuclt to believe! I get totally blinded by the world and don't believe that whatever sin offers - God offers something far better! The Bible doesn't show the Christian life as being one of dreary abstinance, but rather one of deep joy. A life of holiness is one of joy. Lord - help me to believe this!!

4. God is gracious - so we don't have to prove ourselves. In the parable of the prodigal son, the older brother doesn't join in the joyful feast to celebrate his brothers return not because he is too bad, but because he is too good. He's cross as he thinks he deserves something from the father because he's worked hard for him and been faithful. He is trusting in his own self righteousness and reject the grace his father wants to give him. We always need to remember we're not good enough for God, the only thing we deserve is judgement, but God lavishes grace on us anyway. This will get rid of our self righteousness and mean we will never look down on people.

I've found it really helpful this week to remind myselves of these truths when I'm tempted to sin, and it's incredbile how it actually works at times!! Especially as it creates an attitude that is less 'I should not do this' (legalism) but 'I need not do this' - becasue God is bigger / better etc - why would I do this? I don't need to!! (and that is grace) There is stiill a long way to go, but hopefully God will help me with my forgetfulness!!

Gospel Change

2007-09-23T21:59:00.000+01:00

The reason I went to Shefield last week was to start the Porterbrook Network course - its an awesome course based around church planting and mission (most of the time I'll be doing it over skype and missing out on the fantastic home made cakes :o( ) I absolutely loved it this week - and it's given me a lot to think about. Hopefully I'll be able to process some of what I'm learning on here over the coming months.
One of the strands we're looking at this year is about our own Christian character. We were asked what about ourselves do we want to change - not a new haircut or wardrobe, but one specific way we would like to be more like Jesus. I don't think I ask myself this question enough. I'm very aware of my own sin but I rarely sit down and think, what do I want to change, how will I do that.

We then thought about the wrong reasons we have for wanting to change:
- to impress God - somehow God will like me more if I change this thing, I'll be more acceptable to Him. It is just not true. The only way we are accepted by God is through Jesus. Arrogantly, we want to add something, even something small, to our salvation. We want to be a contributor rather than someone who just receives the free gift of God's grace. How rude are we?!
- to impress ourselves - we all want to think well of ourselves - that we are really a good person, my identity is based far too much on what I do.
- to impress other people - this is the one I struggle with most. I can't think of many good things that I do without having at least a small amount of wanting other people to know, and to think that I'm great. If I'm honest, most of the time its my main motive. It is all about me and what you think of me. I want to change so that others will pat me on the back, or think 'wow isn't Lou godly / a nice person / whatever. It is far to easy to forget that I have a Father in heaven who sees what I do, and why I do it - I always want earthly recognition.

All of these reasons are not the right reason to change - they all make change about me - which is a definition of sin! Gospel repentance is as much turning away from the right things that we do out of wrong motives as it is from turning away from wrong things. Which is so hard!! I'm so much more of a sinner than I ever realise, as I just never do things out of right motives - never!! But God does forgive me. The only way we can purge any sin in our life, the only way we can change is not by guilting ourselves into it, but by recognising that it has already been dealt with on the cross.

The reason I should want to change is none of the above. It is because Jesus has already freed me, I am no longer a slave to sin. I should want to change to enjoy the freedom that comes from not sinning, to enjoying be more of the person I was made to be - to be delighting in God through what Jesus has done for me. Its so hard when everything around you and insdie you is screaming at you that sin is good, it is enjoyable, give into it. But that is a lie. Giving into sin, giving in to wrong motivation is selling myself short, is not being the person I'm created to be and is dampening my true joy. I want to change - I want to be more like Jesus, because God is amazing and I want to delight in Him.

The awesomeness of being part of a global church...

2007-09-21T17:07:00.000+01:00

I love being in God's family. I've just been up to Sheffield for a few days (oh actulay - it was only for about 24 hours - it felt like longer (in a good way!)) I rocked up to a city I've only been to once in my life - was met by someone I'd never met before, taken into their home and treated as one of the family. I love it! I love the fact I have so much in common with people I've never met - that the gospel binds us together, we are berothers and sisters in Christ and I love being treated as such by people I don't know. It reminded me of UCCF days and the bizareness of turning up on someone random's doorstep at 9.30 at night after teamdays - them letting you in giving you a bed for the night, feeding you breakfast and sending you on your way. Being ina global family is exciting!! The people who I stayed with in Sheffield are the McAlphines
- they rock big style!!

I also love being part of my local church - especially when it reflects the global church. I missed our meeting on Wednesday - and I'm missing everyone so much! The photo above was taken last Wednesday - and it makes me laugh a lot. These girls - Susie, Becca and Nat - are quality, but the photo reminds me of the type I was sceptical off in UCCF and other evangelical litrature - where they always seem to try and hunt out a non-white person to take a photo of to try and prove that evangelicalism isn't just white, middle class - they are international really (sorry sceptism in overdrive!) This kind of photo would be a gift for that kind of literature - Becca with her huge afro, Nat looking beautfully Thai and Susie being whiter than white. But actually, sceptism aside - this is a fair representation of Christ Church, Brighton - a church of about 40 people from 10 different nationalities. It is awesome! The church is a global community, and I love being able to look at my local church and be reminded of that. Being a Christian rocks!

Bloggin' again

2007-09-21T11:22:00.000+01:00

Bowing to the pressure of Mrs Teo (she is right, it is depressing to read of my high hopes for summer back in April - oh how naive I was!!) I am going to blog again. Sorry for the long absence - by I categorically blame facebook - I got sucked in and now instead of spending my time thinking an writing about life, the universe and everything, I spend it writing random messages on walls and poking people - the joys of modern life!! Anyhoo - I will try and be better in future!!

Summer lovin

2007-04-11T17:00:00.000+01:00

Things I've done in the last week that show its summer (even though its only the eginning of april):
1. Had a easter egg hunt (ok not so summery) and picnic (there we go) in the park.
2. Went for a picnic and walk on the South Downs - managed to navigate most of our way around in a circle without a map (only once did we have to climb over a barbed wire fence (something I wouldn't recommend doing, especially when kindly dog walkers are watching you and trying to give helpful advice)
3. Sat in a back garden in the sun, having a mate read a book to me (I love people reading to me - I think everyone should read to each other - its sooo nice - we started a reading to each other cult in bulgaria and I think it should continue - if you've never done it - do it today! especailly if you can sit in the sun)
4. Cooked pizza at Suzi's house and then walked down to the beach with it to eat (got a few weird looks on the way - and it took as a whileto work out why people were looking at us funny - isn't it normal to cross Western Road holding a steraming hot pizza?
5. Paddled in the sea - it was freezing - but thats not really different from summer.
6. Laughed until our sides ached whilst sitting on the beach watching the sunset until we could stand the cold no longer.

Let's hope the summer lasts!!

Is this world just a pile of poo?

2007-02-25T12:51:00.000Z

Man this world seriously sucks sometimes. At the moment, I'm really noticing how rubbish it can be. A teenager from Rock was killed in a car crash over the weekend - how awful, I can only imagine the intense pain her family is going through - wasn't God powerful enough to stop it happening? I know far too many people who are being seriously affected by cancer at the moment - something I still bear the scars of, and am still in pain from. Is God not loving enough to stop this? Is God just looking on unsympathetically? Doesn't He care? Isn't He powerful enough to stop all the oo that's going on? I'm studying Habakkuk at the moment - its awesome coz its so real. Habakkuk throws these kinds of quesitons at God - looking at he messed up world around him, he cries out to God 'How long, O LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?' - don't you care God? I love that these questions are asked in the Bible - they are not question that we should be afraid to ask - it is fine to cry out to God in the midst of a messed up world. And God answers Habakkuk, but He answers in a bizarre way, basically - he does care and he is gong to act, but the way he is going to act is far differenet from waht Habakkuk would expect, so again Habakkuk quesitons him. As Habakkuk questions God the second time, he again questions what God is doing - but as he does that he affirms who God is - he calls God 'my Rock' he calls him 'Yahweh' (God's name which reminds Israel that he is a God who keeps his promises). Even through quesitoning, we need to remember who God is - we may not understand always why God allows things to happen, but we can know that God is a God who keeps his promises - he is a rock, our unchanging comfort in hard times or good. God is good even when this world is rubbish. We always have reason to be joyfully - not necessarily a grinning like a cat type of joyfully, often just a deep joy that goes far deeper than circumstances. I want to be able to say with Habakkuk 'though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in God my Saviour'

I am a sheep.....

2007-01-21T21:51:00.000Z

I AM A SHEEP, BAA BAA
AND I LIKE TO BE WELL FEB
AND LIKE A SHEEP, BAA BAA
A LITTLE STUPID IN THE HEAD
I GO ASTRAY MOST EVERY DAY
OH WHAT A TROUBLE I MUST BE
I'M GLAD I'VE GOT THE GOOD SHEPHERD
LOOKING AFTER ME - UH-UH BAA BAA

Man - I've had this song going round and round in my head since Friday when I wrote a talk about Jesus being the good shepherd. The thing is, although it is a kids song and a little silly - it does actually sum things up quite well. You see, I am a sheep. Jesus calls us sheep and thats not really the most flattering thing in the world. Sheep are so dumb they can't survive without a shepherd (though they are very cute - loooook!!) I'm very stupid too and I can't survive without God - I stuff things up on a daily basis, but thankfully I have a Good Shepherd who loved me so much he down his life for this sheep - woo! Its also reassuring to know that God knows I am a sheep. Carl (my boss) has been away for the last week and a bit on paternity leave (he's got a little baby - aww!) and I've been feeling the pressure of responsiblity in his absence. I've felt at times completley out of my depth, preparing Bible studies and talks at quite short notice, but I love the fact God looks down on me and says 'Look, Lou - I know you're a sheep - I know you're stupid and can't do this by yourself, but I'm your Good Shepherd - I will lead you, I will help you, follow me.' And He does lead, and he does help, and he does equip. I am a sheep, baa baa.

2006 highlights

2006-12-28T16:26:00.000Z

Well, its almost the end of 2006 how scary!! Time to reflect on the year gone by - here are some of my fav bits:
- New Years day in beautiful Howeth near Dublin - screaming down the phone in excitment over Nic's engagment
- Cornwall mission week - laughing a lot - playing SatNav games with Steph, running round a sixth form college with Andy dressed as a gorilla and talking to a load of sixth formers about Jesus - woo!
- Diamonds - setting up Diamonds - an outreach cafe for over 60s. It going from me and Al sitting in a coffee shop going 'Just can't see how this will work...' to it actually working! Even though the week before the first one everything went wrong and it was really stressful - God pulled it off and it was amazing. Being struck by how the gospel binds people together as our Diamonds team spanned the generations. Almost being moved to tears by Phyll, a lady who'd become more and more open about spiritual things, she thanked me when I went back a few weeks ago and told me setting up Diamonds was the best thing I could've done.
- Babies - knowing at least 10 new babies being born this year! Meeting 6 hour old Adam Fox. Looking after Jasmine and Lily as Leila went for her 12 wk scan, and being there as she told that they had a new brother or sister in her tummy. Lily's reaction: 'woweee!!'
- the agony of the decision whether or not to move back to Brighton (ok the agony was a highlight, but learning to rely on God through the experience was a Good Thing - as was feeling loved and valued by people at Rock Helpful chats with lots of wise people. People's reaction when I told them I was leaving: thinking Al was going to cry when I told him in the car on the way to the day with Roger Carswell (again, probably not a highlight!), thinking Greg was going to explode when he started being nice about in the 7am prayer meeting. Suz / Nic / Kath's excitment at me coming back
- The Outlook Conference - well not so much the actual conference (except maybe the 'turn to your neighbour and discuss you memories of the 1960s' bit!) but the roadtrip up to Sheffield with some of the elderly team - feeling about 12 mucking around in the back of the van with Alice- mocking Al.
- roadtrip to Norwich with the hilarious Katie, Ange and Sair to see to wonderful Anne-Marie
- Nic's wedding, helping her get ready, seeing how happy she was, spending the day chatting to anyone and being told I look beautfiul by lots of people (as it is obligatory to say to a bridesmaid..!!)
- the move to Brighton not being as stressful as I feared - being warmly welcomed by Christ Church and feeling settled very quickly. By the 3rd week of being at Christ church, people asking me questions as if I know everything about the church..!
- Being back in a place I love and know well - being able to no longer dread days off (as I sometimes did in Cambridge when I had nothing to do) but have fun relatively spontaneous days off - woo!
- working with Carl, Peter and Mirsaid, who already feel like family (espeically when we have fun days out in London)
- seeing God answering prayer and being faithful time and time again, no matter if its in Cambridge or in Brighton. Hooray for a God who doens't change - and who will remain the same into 2007!!

Christmas light happiness

2006-11-26T08:35:00.000Z

I don't think Christmas lights have ever made me as happy as the ones that are up in Brighton this year - looooook its like going under either a magical spiders web or a blanket of stars everytime you walk / bus pas the clock tower - makes me smile every time its great! The only problem is that the road junction that the lights span is dangerous enough to cross anyway - and now its a million times worse as everyone is looking up at the light prettiness!
There's an even better one over a fountain in the Laines but I don't have a photo of that! Very pretty :o)

God is real - no really He is!

2006-11-19T11:50:00.000Z

Stuff's happened in the last week to show me again that God actually is real - and for some reason He cares quite a lot about some obsecure little church in Brighton. Last week we found out that from the end of the month, we'd no longer be able to use the church building we had been meeting in for our Sunday afternoon (newly re-named) 'Friends and Family meeting'. That meant we had 3 weeks to find an alternative and work out how would could do Christmas events in our alternative venue. Argh! However - God showed how much He was in control of the situation. At a church meeting we unanimously decided to move into a school building that had been investigated in the past but been put aside as it was too expensive. It was still too expensive for us, but we decided to go ahead anyway. By the next morning - with a combination of the school lowering its fees and money just appearing - we had more than enough for the move. Hooray for God! So in two weeks time, we're moving into Dorthody Stringer school (a place that won't even let the Gideons in) and starting the first of three 'Christmas crafts wtithe Christmas message' afternoons. I'm looking forward to seeing how God is going to use us in this new location - especially as He blatantly put us there!!

Church in a pub? Yes please!

2006-11-13T19:06:00.000Z

I've loved church in a pub over the past two weeks - we've had loads of visitors and it's been fab. Last week we had about half of Korea visitng + the barman from downstairs, who, when Carl went up to take questions after his talk said something like'I don't have any questions - but I want to thank you, I felt really welcome, you've really opened my eyes...' cool! Then this week we had 8 visitors (including Christ Church people about 20 in all - that's almost more visitors than regulars!) it was great - two of my mates came, which was sooo cool. We made good use of the church in a pub catchphrase (or one of them) 'Ask what you want, say what you like, but respect each other'. I love sitting in a pub discussing the Bible openly with people who don't know God. Sitting in a place where people feel comfortable, where we can grapple with the big quesitons in life, where people can think we are crazy for believing what we do, but they are still happy to discuss it, and to hear God's word explained. I love being part of a church for people who don't go to church - its's great!

Mary

2006-11-06T21:55:00.000Z

This is me and Mary. Mary was one of my favourite old people in Cambridge. She lived at Hinton Grange nursing home, and was always really appreciative of us coming in every two weeks to do a service and especially appreciative of when I'd pop in in the week to see her (even if it was ony for half an hour every few weeks). Mary used to ride ponies and was a vicars daughter and we hit it off straight away. Mary died last week - a few weeks after her 90th birthday. I hope she was trusting in Christ, I hope she is now in heaven with her Saviour where there is no more death or mourning or crying or pain - where she has escaped the intense loneliness and sorrow that surrounded her in the nursing home. I hope she is now in the arms of her loving Daddy. I hope. I'm again struck by how weird death is (see January for more death musings) - the fact I'm never going to sit on her bed and chat to her again, never going to see the delight in her eyes as she mouths along to a well known psalm or sings a good old hymn, never going to remind her of my name again by pointing to her lavetory and (more importantly) the fact I can no longer pray for her - she's entered eternity. And again musing that should drive me to my knees for those who have not yet entered eternity - those who I can pray for, those who still have time to respond to the gospel - we are all on the edge of eternity.

What Rocked and Sucked about the last week

2006-11-03T17:58:00.000Z

Whats rocked
- Turning 24 - having lots of fun at the pub with lots of friends, feeling well loved
- Discovering the new Chocky-wocky-doo-dah cafe in Brighton we serve the BIGGEST pieces of amazingly yummy chocolate cake - seriously 3 of us chocolate addicts could not finish 1 piece!!
- Colossians 1:21-22: Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation - how cool is that?? and why did God do it?? Dunno but I'm very excited that He did!!
- Going to 'Mutual misunderstandings between Christians and Muslims' talk put on by Brighton CU - there being LOADS of Muslims there asking brilliant quesitons about Jesus!
- Being introduced to another lovely Korean lady who may or may not being a Christian but is well up for studying the Bible - yay!
- Watching 'Seven' and dancing to cheesy 80s films music (inc Ghost Busters hooray!) until the small hours

What sucked
- my eyes being rubbish and Ibuprofen making me sick and sleepy and the fact that that effects EVERYTHING including my thinking about God - so wrong, so pants
- the great MP3 player my brothers gave me for my birthday isn't capatable with my computer :o( (BUT I might get given a new computer by a charity wooo!)
- the fact the Muslim talk went on for 2.5 hrs and I felt like I was giong to die part way through
- Finding out I can't go to my school friends annual Christmas meal :o(
- Its FREEZING in my room! I was almost wearing gloves at tmy computer yesterday!
- Missing Cambridge lots

Fab day off

2006-10-15T11:23:00.000+01:00

I love days off where you just have lots and lots of fun, but you haven't planned it ages in advance. Things I loved about yesterday:
* Walking through the beautiful Sussex countryside with Suz reminissing about the beauties and pain of DofE
* Getting lost and scrambling through undergrowth to try and rectify that - whilst also traspassing - whoops!
* Taking a photo of a cow and sending it as a picture message to Mirsaid, knowing he'd love it (even if he does think I was slightly mad!)
* Watching and shouting at X-factor with Suz and Molly and a big bowl of pasta and pesto
* Hanging out with a load of firends who I've hardly seen in the last two years, but the bond of struggling through and helping each other through our physics degrees is so strong that it doesn't matter that we haven't seen each other for ages - physics remains the same (even if some of us don't remember it as well as others!)
* Watching 'The breakfast club' (fab 80s film) and eating pancakes (chocolate spread, peanut butter and banana being the best filling)
* Discussing which is worse to come across on the pavement - dog poo or vomit (vomit is obviously worse - but others had strong views to the former)
Fab day!!

random hymn

2006-10-12T17:05:00.000+01:00

Crown Him the Lord of years,
The Potentate of time,
Creator of the rolling spheres,
Ineffably sublime!
All hail, Redeemer, hail!
For Thou hast died for me;
Thy praise shall never, never fail
Throughout eternity.

Now - I love 'Crown him with many crowns' but what the heck is a 'poetentate of time' and what does 'ineffably' mean?? And why do we sing stuff we don't understand? However, the second half of the verse is solid gold!

Where else can we go?

2006-10-11T12:11:00.000+01:00

Joel Virgo (from CCK) spoke at Sussex CU on Monday night about John 6 - Jesus' bizarre saying 'I am the bread of life'. It was fab! Nice to be taught by a Virgo again - although Joel is different from both Terry and Simon, the brilliant Virgo traits are still there - not least a passionate love of Jesus and of his Word (as well as a few hand gestures!!) It was great to be reminded that stuff that we find difficult to understnnd in the bible, for example Jesus saying: "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world." was as shocking and crazy to the people Jesus was talking to as it is to us now - 'what, he wants us to eat him? what is he going on about?' Many people thought that Jesus was crazy - and they turned away, they would not follow him. But when Jesus asks Peter if he always wants to leave his reply is 'Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life' - Jesus teaching may be hard at time - people may think that he is crazy, or that we are crazy for believing in him and following - but he has the words of eternal life - where else can we go? He has the truth, he is the only way to God - to who else could we go to?

I saw one of my old lecturers last week. It was good to see him (the 1st time in 2 years), but he did make me feel about 2" tall (I mean to be fair, he always did mock everyone mercilessly for anything anyway) - but he asekd me what I was doing now - when I told him I was working for a church he laughed in my face and said something along the lines of 'Going to convert us all are you? Haha, what are you really doing? Weren't you going to do a PGCE..?' And I felt rubbish. I felt like I was wasting my life, bumming around teaching the Bible - what am I doing? I have a physics degree for goodness sake. But that is so wrong - I was letting someone who thinks the idea of Jesus is crazy, and who thinks I'm crazy for following him affect my thinking - in his mind I am crazy 0 in his mind God doesn't exist and I'm wasting my life. But that is not true. Jesus is real, and he has the words of eternal life - where else can I go? I went to a conference on Preaching Eternity at All Souls yesterday, and one of the things that struck me was the Jesus is coming back. Fact. We don't need to apologise for it or feel embarrased about it - it will happen. And we need to be telling people that. They may think we're crazy - but they thought Jesus was crazy - it doesn't change the truth. The new creation will be a reality, so too, horrifically is hell. Telling people about reality is not wasting your life, its an awesome privilege and a great responsiblity.

Hehe

2006-10-08T12:47:00.000+01:00

Make Pingu dance (go on - you know you want to!)

If you're ever in an Uzbekistani market...

2006-10-04T18:25:00.000+01:00

WATCH OUT!!! You may think you are buying a nice, plumpl, docile cow - but hte chances are somebody has fed it vodka and pumped it up with air, so in a few days time you may be landed with a skinny cow with an attitude problem - you have been warned! (ahh the things you learn working for CCB!)

+ves and -ves

2006-10-01T14:32:00.000+01:00

Things I dislike about Brighton
1. The hills and the fact I'm always sweaty when I get home
2. West Street (aka Fight Street) on a Fri / Sat night - eugh!
3. Killer seagulls the size of small dogs
4. The smell of weed that sporadically drifts around the place
5. 7 dials - isn't life complicated enough without having a place where 7 roads meet?!
6. Feeling scared when I walk around after dark (after having never felt scared on Glebe Road!!)
7. The pigeon poo bridge - run quikly otherwise they might get you!

Thing I like about Brighton
1. The hills (when I'm at the top of one or when I feel its good to have excercise!)
2. The beach - esp when you can sit and pray and watch a gorg susnet or when it really overcast and there's hardly anyone else around
3. The fact the Sussex uni campus is built in the shape of a cat - what more can you want from a university!
4. Seeing the streets looking like a little toy town when you look out of the train window on the viaduct between Brighton and London Road stations - awesome!
5. The South Downs
6. The fact there is always something going on and it is usually quite random!
7. The view from the end of the Ditchling road as you drive towards my house - the Downs, the sea and the city - fab!
8. Primark, the 99p store, Woolies - what can I say? Cambridge really needs to catch up on the cheap shop front!
9. The Laines (exept the really weird shops...!)
10. Shakeaways (man - I haven't had one yet!)

Doing what I love

2006-09-29T21:32:00.000+01:00

I love reading the bible with people who aren't Christians. I had the real privilege today of going to a lovely Korean lady's flat and doing just that. She has the most adorable two small children - my Little Rockers training in sustaining serious conversation through small children distraction came in very handy! We looked at Mark 2:1-12 one of my fav passages. Its such a good passage, coz its the kind you know from Sunday school - the paralysed man being lowered down from the roof by his friends - you've made the models, you've learnt about how nice the friends are etc etc its seems a very familiar and very safe story. But actully its well contraversal. And its great when, studying it with a non-Christian, they pick up the contraversy. It comes in vs 5. The friends have lowered this poor paralytic man in obvious need of physical healing and the first thing Jesus says to him is 'Son, your sins are forgiven.' What?! Why does he say that?! Surely gentle Jesus meek and mild should just say -'ahh there thee get better.' But no - this is Jesus out to show that he is God. This is Jesus out to show that the most important thing a person needs is not physical healing but forgiveness. As contraversal today as it was in Jesus day. I love it when Jesus shocks people!

Hasn't the church got a pretty bad record? Why should I believe what it teaches?

2006-09-25T12:03:00.000+01:00

Get me, I've got an article published on the web here

I love church

2006-09-20T22:26:00.000+01:00

Church is great! I love siting around discussing what the Bbile says and how it applies to my life. I went to my first Christ Church 'In depth' Wednesday meeting (the main Christian feeding time as Sundays are more outsider friendly) Twas great! Carl talked on 2 Tim 2:14-26 then we split into groups to discuss. It was such a privilege to be siting around with 7 lovely girls discussing honestly how difficult it can be to live godly lives and not give into the temptation of engaging in godless chatter or quarrels over words, and how serious these things actually are, and how we need to help each other not to do them. Fab. And what is more - I've found some actual Australians with whom I can rant about Neighbours - what could be better??! Quality evening.

Back in Brighton

2006-09-18T11:18:00.000+01:00

Well, here I am sitting in my lovely little lilac room in sunny Brighton! Its very odd. I know I've had a week between leaving Cambridge and moving here, but it seems like such a fast turn around. Possibly coz my two worlds are so different. A week ago I was standing on a stage in a suburban Cambridge school being prayed for in front of a church of 200 odd (very odd..! :o)) people of whom I was one of the youngest adults. In the afternoon we headed down to the old peoples home to proclaim God's word there. Yesteday I was prayed for again, this time in an old CofE church wehre about 30 of us (inc many cute small children) were gathered, mainly sitting around in a circle on the floor, praising God together and learning from His word. A lot of the people there were my age or younger. We then headed down to the pub to discuss the Bible some more. I lvoe the fact that church can be expressed in such different ways, but at the centre is Jesus and the gospel. And although outwardly Rock and Christ Church, Brighton look very different - the amazing welcome, love and sense of community that I experienced at Christ Church yesteday exactly mirrored what I experienced at Rock. Hooray for the gospel transforming people and making them like Jesus! I do miss Rock. A lot. I miss all my friends, I miss the outreach misnitries (I seem to spend a lot of time at the mo looking at my watch and thinking about what's happening at Rock 'Its 3.40pm on a Thursday - messy play time at Little Rockers...!). I especially miss being around older people. But I'm really looking forward to serving Christ Church. And although things will be weird for a while - adapting back to Brighton life, I am glad to be back here.

Changes and a God who doesn't

2006-09-03T21:04:00.000+01:00

Hebrews 13:5-8 syas: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I hate change - I love these verses. Over the last few days it has suddenly hitme that actually I am leaving Rock - I leaving a church family who I have loved and ho have loved me over the last year. I'm am leaving outreach ministries whcih I adore - I'm leaving people who are not yet Christians in God's hands. I'm leaving people who won't remember me, people who may have died by the time I return to visit Cambridge. The next week will be a week of lasts and of many tears. But I am so thankful to God to bringing me to Cambridge, even for such a short time, I'm thankful for the leadrs he's given me here, who have spoekn the word of God to me, and whose faith I can imitate. And I'm even more thankful that he is a God who doens't change. I'm thankful that the ministries at Rock will continue without me, that God will continue to work through them without me. I was really upset to leave Diamonds on Friday - it was the biggest attnedance we'd ever had on Friday and a bit insdie of me just aches not wanting to let it go - I want to see fortnight by fortnight what God is going to do with that work, how he is going to move among the old people around Lichfield Road, I want to be involved. But I'm not going to be there anymore, that is not where God wants me now. I'm handing it over to others (probably far more capable than me anyway) and trusting that God will work even though I'm not around (oh how arroganst am I)?! But I am moving on - new people, new challenges - seeing God work in different ways. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also scared. Scared that I won't be good enough to do the job, scared that I'll be overwhelmed by meeting new people, scared that I won't get a balance between work and rest, scared that my eyes will be as bad or worse than they were last year. But hang on - the Lord has said - 'never will I leave you, never will I forsake you' and so I can say with confidence - 'the Lord is my helper - I will not be afraid - what can man do to me?' God is with me - what do I have to fear? I'm not good enough for the job, trusting in my own strength - no way, but God is good enough, and his grace is enough for me (didn't I hear that once somewhere? relay 1 maybe...!) I know from past experience and from what he Bible says that just because God is with me does not mean things will be easy though. I'm sure there will be situations in my new church I will find really tough. I'm expect my eyes will be a problem at times. But I can trust Jesus through it all - he is my helper and he is the one who is the same yesterday, today, and forever - hooray!

Quesitons raised by todays Neighbours episode

2006-08-30T19:18:00.000+01:00

1. How does Karl Kennedy have enough time to work not only as a GP but also in practically every area of the hospital, not to mention do counselling, as well as be in a childrens party act performing for four 4 year old children at no 30?
2. Why were the 4 year old children havign a party at no 30 anyway?
3. How do Cameron and Robert look EXACTLY the same - with even the same hair-cut even though Cam's been in a coma for 7 months?
4. Why is Cam not wearing a hospital bracelet nor does he have any scars in his arms from the IV which would back up his story. Also - he has JUST woken up from a coma - how is he so well?
5. (and most imprtantly) WHY DOES KARL NOT REALISE SUSAN IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH HIM AND WHEN WILL THEY GET BACK TOGETHER??!
that is all

4 hour holiday

2006-08-25T21:42:00.000+01:00

I had a 4 hour holiday today!! Me and Alice and Zippy pretended to be tourists for a monring and went on an Open Top Bus tour - it was fab! We are now thoroughly educated about historic Cambridge and life in general - for example - did you know that a golden pineapple is a sign of wealth? Well, I suppose it is quite obvious - you'd have to be pretty rich to own a golden pineapple.
Above you will see (from the top):
- Zippy at the round church (one of my fav Cam buildings - built in the 12th century (80 years before any stupid uni buildings) its the current home of the fab Christian Heritage
- Zippy and Alice sheltering from 2 spots of rain that fell (the weather apart from those 2 sports was AMAZING its like summers back or something!)
- Alice and Zippy at the American cemetary (doesn't it look like we're in a differnt country?!)
- Me and Zippy by one of Cambridges 35,000 bicycles
- Zippy experiencing some travel sickness (watch out belwo!)
- Zippy and Alice listening to come quality tour bus commentary.

Most random conversation of the day:
Alice (after discussing whether we could pass me off as a student): what age do you have to be to be a student
Ticket man: 16 +
Alice: Ah, well we're not students, so how much is full price?
Ticket man: Well, I'll put you through as students - it'll be cheaper
Alice (to me): I didn't lie - did I?

Quality morning!

Cricket vs gosepl on Parkers Piece

2006-08-20T20:17:00.000+01:00

Just got back from quite a random open air service that we did on Parkers Piece (a large bit of flat (surprisngly!) green-ness in the middle of Cambridge whre apparently the international rules of football wer 1st written down (man, Cambridge is a werid place!) Thankfully, it didn't rain, as I thought it was going to, but there was a charity cricket match right next to us (they had Graham Gooch!!) So we had to compete wit hrandom cricket commetnray interspersed wtih 'Is this the way to Amorillo' (which now obviously I can't get out of my head grrrr!!). Still we drew a reasonable sized crowd. I had to give my testimony (which was horrible, I was really scared and felt I made no sense, but apparently I did...!) Then Al talked about Jesus' 'I am the resurrection and the life'. I love doing things in the open air - its such a privilege!! I think too often we take things for granted in this country, and feedom of speech is one of those. I love that we can plug up microphones in the middle of a central meeting place and tell the good news of Jesus - hooray! We should make the most of the opportunities while we have them... who knows if at some point the 'Insightment to religious hatred' bill will re-rear its ugly head and praching the gospel in public might become illegal. Doesn't mean we'll stop doing it of course, but it won't be so easy. Hooray for free speech! though maybe a bit of persecution would be good for us...!!)

Resurrection

2006-08-16T10:35:00.000+01:00

I was reading Luke 24 this morning. Its fab. Jesus had just faced the worse suffering ever known. Hanging on the cros in unbearable physcial pain, but with the far greater torment of having his Father abandon him, taking the wrath of God for us. He died. In Luke 24, two of this disciples are wandering along the road to Emmaus, completely downcast. They had not understood what was happening on the cross. All they knew was that they had hoped that Jesus was The One - the Messiah. He'd certainly appeared that way on earth, healing the sick, teaching with authority, even raising the dead. But now, he'd gone. All there hopes were dashed. They'd hoped Jesus would be the one to save them, but how could he save them now, he was dead, all his words were obviously hollow promises. They were telling all these things to a stranger who was walking with them on the road. Except it was no stranger. It was Jesus - risen and alive. They did not recognise him, but he explained how the Bible pointed towards him. When he broke bread wtih them, they recognised him. Then they realised who he was, and they're whole mindset changed. No logner were they downcast - but full of joy. Jesus was alive -they had hope - his words were not empty - his promises could be trusted. He'd proved that by rising again. Resurrection and joy follows hardships and suffering. And because Jesus rose again, we can know that we also will be raised up - resurrection and joy will follow our hardship and suffering on this earth.
For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Corinithans 4:17

2006-08-15T20:44:00.000+01:00

Lord, you know my heart
Lord, you know my body
Lord, you know my feelings
Lord, you know my friends
Lord, you know the pain,
the pain I feel, the struggle to see,
Lord, you know the heart-ache
the heart-ache from watching friends broken
Lord, why do you allow it?
Why do you allow it to continue?
Come Lord, end this

Come to me, you say,
Come - my yoke is easy
and my burden light
Why do I feel so heavy laiden?
Come to me, you say,
Come, and I will give you rest
Why do I feel so tired?
Come to me, you say,
I will never leave you
I will not forsake you
Why do I feel so alone?

Lord, why is this world so messed up?
Why do you allow it?
He gives no answer
Just opens his arms
And dies on a tree
He does know pain
He does know heart-ache
He does know suffering
And he knows them because of me

This world is not all there is
Something better will come
One day, every tear will be wiped away
I can share in it,
Because of the cross
What love
Come, Lord Jesus, come

Weddings, weddings

2006-08-11T17:46:00.000+01:00

I was a bridesmaid last weekend!!! Sooo much fun! Congratulation Alen + Nic Chanamuto!!! :o)

Darkness + love

2006-07-22T22:19:00.000+01:00

The weather reflected my view of the world today: it was dark and oppressive. Man, what a messed up world we live in. Why does God allow it? Really, why does he allow such rubbish to happen to people? One day we'll know. What hope is there through the darkness? What is there to cling to in the rubbish? What can I say to a friend who through no fault of her own is having her freedom removed for the foreseeable future? There is only one hope - that is God and his unfailing love for us. How great is Romans 8:31-39 - its just brilliant - here's a small bit re-written to apply directly to my frineds and me:
'Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? Shall depression or loneliness, or persecution or bereavement or pain or broken-heartedness? No, in all these we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither borderline personality disorder nor chronic fatigue syndrome, neither old age nor visual impairment, neither divorce, nor cancer, nor any psat involement in the occult, neither psychiatric hospitals nor nursing homes, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.' That is true hope - that is why we can keep going, and keep supporting others to keep going.

Missing Mission

2006-07-20T21:41:00.000+01:00

Well its that time of year when lots of people I know bog off to far flung places of the globe to tell people about Jesus for a few weeks. And I'm jealous. I'm jealous for two reasons:
Firstly - I'm jealous of the new experience they will have, engaging with different cultures and trying new things are always exciting (and I would add I'm jealous of the weather they'll have but hey its probably hotter here!! yuk!)
Secondly - I'm jealous of the fact they will be depending utterly on God, and being taught new things, and reminded again of the old.
But - as always I'm being silly. Yes missions are great and they are well exciting, but why do I limit God? Why do I think that just coz I'm staying in Cambridge over the summer he can't teach me new things about himself? Why can't I still live radically here, why can't I learn to depend utterly on him in my day-to-day life. Why don't I expect to see him use me to bring people closer to him whilst I'm at home? God does not just work in Bulgaria, Ecuador and Cambodia, he works in Glebe Road too, AND Lichfield Hall AND even Hinton Grange - and I can be part of that. That is exciting. (+ culture wise - I know loads of people from differnt cultures, I'll just have to invite myself round to their houses and get them to teach me their culture!)

Were you born in the 1960s??

2006-07-15T12:21:00.000+01:00

Yes - someone actually seriously asked me that question yesterday.... how bizarere - no I haven't just aged well ... I wasn't alive in the 1960s or the 70s for that matter...
Right, now as I start this post, I realise it is at risk from sounded a bit like something Bish would write... but what I experienced yesterday did wind me up and I want to process my thoughts on the matter.
When reaching people with the gospel - is it most effective to try and reach people of your own age / stage of life??
Well this question has been kncocking around in my brain for a while, but it came to the front yesteday, as I went to a conference on reacihng the elderly for Christ. I've rambled about elderly minsitry quite a bit on this blog - God has taught me so much about him and about loving people through it this year. But I didn't quite realise until yesteday quite how seemingly unique our Elderly Team is at Rock. I reckon we have about 17 volunteers who are either invovled in going into homes to do services and chat to people on Sundays or are invovled in Diamonds Cafe - out Friday afternoon outreach to the elderly in our community. I can only think of 2 of our team who are over 50. The majority of the team are in their 20s-30s. And apparently this is weird. At the conference yesteday, we were pretty much the only under 50s. I felt like I was about 12 - and sadly I also felt people were a bit scared of me becasue I'm young. The conference was totally geared toward over 50s and alienated us at times (for example when were asked to turn to our neighbour and discuss our memeories of the 1960s ... ummm.. hello??) But obviously generally in churches it is older people who work with older people. In a way I can see that this is great - we need Christian elderly people witnessing to their friends through the hardships of being old. But should it be older people alone doing the work? Should we be made to feel like freaks when we express an interst in reaching out to the elderly. Well - no we shouldn't. Our old people love the fact that we're young, that we're taking an interest in them, when most of our contemparies in society disregard them as useless. Surely this is a powerful witness to the gospel - we vaule the elderly where others don't as we know they are made in the image of God, and they need to know their Creator. And also, that in Jeus there is no longer Greek or Jew, circumsied or uncircumsied, slave or free... old or young? We are all one in Christ. The gospel breaks down the dividing wall of hositility that was formerly there. In Ephessians 2, this wall is between Jew and Gentile - surely the biggest wall ever, the barrier between the 'chosen people of God' and those who weren't. How much more should the gospel break down every other barrier our society tries to put up. I think more young poeple should be involved in work with the elderly - I think its a great witness to the gospel (and as young person who wasn't really up for the work when I was first asked to do it, I know that younger people can also learn sooo much through it). However, I think too often in churhces it is so normal to have people segregated. The older people work with the elderly and wouldn't dream of suggesting to a younger psrson that they might like to get invovled (maybe because they don't think they'd be able to relate, or maybe due to mistrust that there is in our society between the older and younger generations has seeped into out thinking). The students reach out to the students, the mums with small children reach out to the mums with small children, youth workes are ofent not much older than the youth themselves. And in a way this is good. I'm a pasionate believer in UCCF who believe that students are the best people to reach students. And its ture - poeple who are at the same life stage as you are easiest to relate to - you share similar experiences which you can talk about, and often spend a lot of time togehter doing similar things (both of which are obvious ways for Christians to witness). But should this be the exclusive way we work? Surely we should be showing the world that the gospel breaks down all barriers that the world tries to impose on us. Shouldn't it be more common for older people to be involved in youth and students work. Why is it so unusal for young people to be reaching out to the older generation?
I suppose I've been considering this question a lot espeically as I look to move jobs. I've loved my time at Rock, working with popele aged from 0-97. And I have found it tough to relate to people at differnt life stages to me, but it hasn't been impossible - I've still been able to share the gospel with poeple who are very different from me. But from September I'm going back to be working a lot with students - with a group I find it easy to relate to, in a church which doesn't have such a wide age range. But I don't want to forget the lessons I've learnt at Rock - I don't want to just slip back into the group I feel comfortable with and just let the usual segregation that happens in churches go on. I want to be encouraging Christians to mix with people who are differnt to themselves, because that is how we will most fully be the body of Christ, and a shining witness to the gospel which breaks down all barriers.

Heaven is Real!!

2006-07-13T09:04:00.000+01:00

"Finally I want to tell you that there is a heaven. The Christian life certianly is not a playground. It is a battlefield. You will have to face the world, the flesh and the devil. I wish I could tell you that you will never struggle with temptation again. But I can't. I wish I could tell you that you will meet Miss Wonderful, fall madly in love and live happily ever after. But I can't. All I can promis you is wet eyes, a broken heart and a joy that cmes through walking with Jesus. But there is one thing that I want to remind you of and that is that this life with all its struggles and woes is not all. Heaven is for real. Count on it. One day we who beleive in our Lord Jesus Christ will be rid of our sinful bodies and will live in a brand new world. We will be free from all sin, al frustrations, all restrictions, all limitation and corruption. One thing is certain. The moment we enter into heaven, we will know for sure that 'All the present sufferings of this present time will not be worhy to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us'. All our sufferings - pysical, mental, emotional, psychological, sexual, relational and spiritual will be over forever." Bill Bygraves

Hooray! Heaven is real! One day I will have a perfect resurrectin body, which will not hurt, which will not sin, which will be perfect and whole. This week I've struggled with the usual pain in my eyes, I've struggled to support a friend through emotional pain, and of course I've struggled with my own sinfulness - my rebellious heart. I'm so glad that this world is not all there is - how depressing would it be if it was. I've been 'reading' High Society by Ben Elton - its a book about drugs, but more than that, its a book about broken people. About people trying to make life feel fulfilled by attempting to stuff their yearning hole inside themselves with drugs, with sex, with fame, with relationships. None of them satisfy, they gerneally just make people more broken. But that is all the world has to offer - try and numb the pain of this world with short term solutions. None of them work. Now it seems a bit cheesy for for me to go, its only God that will satisfy, only he can fill the God shaped hole. But it is true. Our creator is the only one in whom we will find ultimate safiscation. But I know that even as a Christian I'm not fully satisfied. I know that often my sinful heart desires things other than God, it gets drwan in to drying to fill the emptiness with earthly things. I struggle to be satisfied with God alone. But it won't always be like this. In heaven, I won't struggle to be satisfied I will know God fully - I will see him face to face (wow - I'll be able tos ee faces!!) and be completely satisfied - knowing that the only reason I am there is because Jesus loved to enough to die. What a great Savriou. What a great hope.

Sstans kickings

2006-07-07T18:02:00.000+01:00

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upwards I look and see Him there,
Who made an end to all my sin
Becuase the SINLESS SAVIOUR DIED
My SINFUL SOUL IS COUNTED FREE
For God the just is satisfied
To look on him and pardon me
To look on him and pardon me

I hate it when Satan gives me a good kicking. I've spent a lot of time this week mulling over what a sinful wretch I am and wondering how God could ever love me. This isn't necessarily a bas thing, as long as I ocme to the conclusion that for some bizarre reason God does love me, even though I let him down tiem and time again, he loved me enough to send his Son to die so that my sinful soul can be counted free. I've just got back from Diamonds Cafe - an outreach to the over 60s in our local community that I set up 2 months ago. Now, I love Diamonds and God is already doing great things in it. We were small in number today, bu the gosepl was proclaimed. There is one women who God is blatantly persuing, she opens up more and more each time and talks to us about where she is spiritually, and how she would like that to change. And all of them today expressed an interst in coming to a community bbq that Rock is putting on. God is doing stuff through Diamonds and I should be jumping up and down with joy - but today I'm not. Today, I was very aware of wearing a mask at the end of Diamonds - I wore a mask of positivity - praising the team (who had done a great job) and saying how exciting I was about what God's doing, but inwardly I was crying. Inwardly there was a voice (which is still there actually) going 'You're rubbish - you are rubbish'. There were a few practical things that I did badly this afternoon, and Satan's trying to get a grip on me because of them , trying to condemn me. But I'm not going to let him - I'm not going to wallow in self pity. I choose not to - I choose to look upward, to my sinless saviour who died for me. It is true that I am rubbish, in fact, I'm more rubbish than I ever imagined, but I am more loved than I could ever dream. I have no right to be involved in God's work, but for some reason he chooses to use me in it. And if God graciously chooses to use me in his work - who I am to quesiton him for that. Yes, I am rubbish, but God's grace is big enough for me. Hooray for Him!

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we prfess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathesise with our weaknesses,but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are, yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:14-15

The strong pull of the south coast

2006-06-22T09:24:00.000+01:00

Well, the decision's finally made - I will be heading back to Brighton, to be tormented by seagulls, in September. Woo! Its such a weird time at the moment, my emotions can swing wildly from being well excited about returning to the place I love, to being close to people I think are great, to having a challenging but brilliant job and being well upset about leaving a church I love, about leaving a community who love, value and support me (at the prayer meeting this morning, when one guy found out I was leaving he started gushing about me (which was very touching, but to be honest I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, but thats only coz I can't take compliments!!)
So anyway, from September I will be working with the fab people at Christ Chruch Brighton (church in a pub? yes please!... check it out www.christchurchbrighton.org) I'm well up for being involved in this new(ish) church that seeks to be a church fo those who don't go to church, that is trying to connect with the culture without comproising on the gospel. My job will be to teach the bible to (hopefully) both Christians, and those who don't yet know Jesus - what a great job!
But that means more changes = not my favourite thing. But hooray for the truth of Hebrews 13:5-8:
God has said: Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence: 'the Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid, what can man do to me?' Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of god to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate thier faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today and forever.

Psalm 121

2006-06-15T09:07:00.000+01:00

I lift up my eyes to the hills -
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD
the Maker of heaven and earth
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber
Indeed he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night
The LORD will keep you from all harm
- he will watch over your life
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
bot now and for evermore

Green = who God is
Purple = the promises he has given us

What a great God - our LORD (Yahweh - I AM who I AM), the Maker of heaven and earth, yet he's our shade at our right hand, who has given us a load of amazing promises. Hooray for God!

Things I liked about today

2006-06-13T22:20:00.000+01:00

1. Yesterday, I thought today would be rubbish as all I had to do was admin for our elderly ministry and go to a boring sunday school meeting - but it was actually a great day!

2. I met the youngest person I've ever met - little Adam Fox at jsut 7hrs old!!:

(ok newborn babies aren't very pretty but they are sooo small!!) I was amazed again at the perfection of small babies. They are tiny little human beings (thought they make noises like little puppies!). Weirdly, Jesus was like this once.... how does that work??!
3. Having the excitment of being the first person to tell people of the existance of a new person!!
4. I love thunderstorms and summer rain
5. Although Neighbours wasn't on, I watched the Railway Children at teatime instead, which gave the whole day a bank holiday type feel (even though I'd done a lot of work!)
6. Cambridge City Council at least gave the impression of being competant at booking out Lichfield Community Hall (we shall see how competant they actually are when we turn each time for Diamonds, if in the next 3 months no-one else is using the hall at the time we're booked from then I'll believe they are actually competant (or just lucky!!))
7. I love church community
8. I found out that tomorrow is not going to be as manic as I thought it would be

Decisions

2006-06-10T18:47:00.000+01:00

Why are decisions so hard? I have two Good Things that I could do from September, and I'm struggling to choose between them. To be honest, I'm struggling to trust God with the decision. I'd find it a whole lot easier if He'd make it clear which He wants me to do, but I don't hink He will, I think He wants me to grow up and make the decision myself. And I'm scared to do that. Scared, because taking the deciison one way means another huge upheaveal, another time where everything changes, where I'm making new relationships all the time all over again, being completley out of my comfort zone and dependant on God, which I know in my head should be a good thing, but is really hard, and my sinful heart doubts that He'll be there for me this time. Taking the decision the other way, however, I'm scared that the second year will be much harder than the first, I'm scared that I'll get complacent and not depend on God as I should, that I'll get frustrated and wish that I'd made the other, or that I'll forget any lessons I've learnt in delibrating the decision in the first place. I'm scared to depend on God, and I'm even more scared to depend on myself. .... arggghh!! I hate making decisions! At least I know, that whatever decision I make, the God of Eternity will be with me - phew!

What are Sunday afternoons for?

2006-05-29T17:09:00.000+01:00

This is what I've spent most of my Sunday afternoons doing for the last 9 months. Services in old peoples homes. Its not glamourous, and its not usually very exciting, but it as taught me a lot about God and the desperateness of life withouth Him. Walking into the homes each week you get struck by the overwhelming heat and stench which is a gross mix of wee and maybe whatevers being cooked for tea. I always get the same kick in my stomach, a combination of feelings of 'here we go again' and 'what are we going to find this time, I hope no-ones died....' Homes are such depressing places, where people who've had hard lives (who hasn't..?) go to die. And so many people in there are just a shadow of the people they used to be. Tessa, the women on the left of the photo, tears up our 'hymn book' and tries to eat it, whilst in her louder moments, shouting and sometimes hitting, pulling and crushing your hand. But, on more placid occasions, she can be lovely, and I've seen joy on her face when she sees her daughters come to visit her. What was she like before? Yesterday, I spent quite some time talking to Daphne, whose 97 and whose daughter is in the home with her, in a a far worse off state than she is. How heartbreaking that must be for her. Homes are places that are full of pain. What can we offer, how can we identify? Well, the only thing we can offer is the gospel. Jesus Christ, God become human, a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering. Jesus is the one who can identify with these people. He knows what loneliness is in a far greater sense than anyone else - abandoned by his earthly friends, and, far worse, abandoned by his Father. And because he was abandoned, we can have eternal hope. Finding Christian old people in homes is so refreshing, they have hope, they know where they're going. But heartbreakingly, they are in the minority. So many people have to deal with the day to day depressing reality of Homes, without knowing their Creator and Friend, without knowing eternal sercurity. So we go on, preaching, and loving, and praying, and although we've seen little outward fruit so far, who knows whats going on insdie people who can't communicate, who knows what changes of eternal signifcance may be taking place.

Sound of Musoc - whats the deal?

2006-05-29T16:52:00.000+01:00

Right well its a rainy bank holiday and for the first time in my life I sat down to watch 'The Sound of Music' (I know the fact that I've never sen it before distrubs some people (I seemed to be constantly mocked and ridiculed for that fact during Relay (though I suppose it was only Kath and Sharon inflicting that on me) but to be honest I can't see what all the fuss is about. I've wandered away bored about 2/3 of the way through. I know pretty much all the songs (how can you escape them) but I find them all quite boring. Maria should be a loveable character, and I like the idea of her, but I just can't seem to get past her irritaing posh accent, or the American-ness of the children (I know how shallow I'm sounding!) I just didn't care what happened to them (which I suppose is a good thing as nothing much seemed to be happening to them except learning to sing... and stuff about relating to their dad I suppose) Maybe I'm just used to faster paced modern films where stuff actually happens, or some kind of childhood fondness of the older films where not much does (although saing that, loads of stuff happens in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!!) Or maybe I'm just not cultured enough!

More lessons from small children

2006-05-18T17:45:00.000+01:00

I love learning lessons about God from small children. After Little Rockers today, one of the mums was patiently waiting while her 3 year old child helpfully helped us load up all the stuff. Suddenly, Jasmine lost her never, went running over to her mum shouting 'Mummy, mummy, don't go without me!' As if she ever would, she'd never done in the past, and the thought would have been the furtherst thing from her mind. I remember a similar incident when I was a small child. My whole family were driving back from seeing my grandparents, I 'd been playing with my brotehr on the swings at a service station, we wre just walking back to the car when we saw our parents drive past (they were coming to pick us up) I got really upset, coz I thought they were driving off without us. No loving parent would even consider abandoing their child, but children still seem to have the fear that they will. Although they never have in the past this time... this time their patience has just run out. I know I'm like that with God, I know he's been faithful to me time and time again, I know he's my loving father who has promised never to leave me or forsake me, but still sometimes the fear grips me. Not this time. This time his patience will run out. This time he'll leave without me, he'll forsake me and leave me alone. Well, its just not true - I need to stop thinking like a 3 year old!! God is faithful, and he will keep to his promise of never leaving or forsaking me - why do I doubt it?!

Today...

2006-04-25T18:52:00.000+01:00

Today I dislike my job - I don't often dislike my job, usually I love it, but today I'm don't like it very much. Maybe thats a bit strong - today I dislike several aspects of my job. Today I wished I was doing a normal 9-5 job that you forget about at the end of the day. Today I wished I did a job where a 'day off ' meant exactly what it says on the tin. Today I wished I did a job where I don't work from home - where you can't just be rung up when your not working and stressed out by a problem that affects your mood for the rest of the day. Today I wished I worked for an organisation that owned its own building, so that I didn't have to deal with people who are incompetant of booking out their buildings. Its days like today when I have to remind myself why I do my job. But when I do that I realise actually how lucky I am. Lucky that, although my job can be stessful, time consuming and difficult to switch off from at least what I'm doing has eternal significance - what a privilege. And I know that ultimately God is in control of the whole thing anyway, so really, however irritating things are, I needn't get stressed out about stuff (easier said than done!)

GOOD Friday

2006-04-14T17:56:00.000+01:00

I've had a hectic day - I'm tired but I'm joyful - God's grace is amazing! I've spent most of the day hearing and talking about both the horrendousness of the cross - what Jesus endured for us, and the amazingness of it - what Jesus acheived for us. It is finished. God's grace is amazing and it is all we need. I've had a pretty tough week and I've had to organise two services in old peoples homes - and speak at one. Due to some unexpected things my preparation time for these services was really quite limited. I hate going into a service feeling underprepared, and thats what I did this afternoon. And what made it worse (although also great) was when I walked into the room at Hinton Grange expecting to see the usual gaggle of 4-5 elderly folk - the room was packed - you could hardly get in the door! (in fact I'm sure it was a fire hazard - if there was a fire it would've taken aaaaages to wheel all those old dears out!) however, God is nice and the service seemed to go well (one of my fav old ladies told me afterwards 'You did a lot better than I was expecting you to, dear' I'm not sure whether or not to take that as a compliment!! But that service shows the grace of God - 'Nothing in my hands I bring, onlyto your cross I cling' - I only had the cross to cling to this afternoon, I was physically and emotionally drained, I had nothing to offer but I did have the Creator of the Universe on my side, who likes to work through weakness - and I think he did! Hurrah for Jesus!

wasting 9 years to your life?

2006-04-10T17:58:00.000+01:00

We found out at church last night that the average Briton spends 9 years of their life watching TV - 9 YEARS!! thats a lot of time hmmm ...
However, to make those 9 years worhtwhile I'd recommend signing this:
http://www.petitiononline.com/nbours01/petition.html
coz years watching Neighbours cannot be counted as wasted years!

Middle of No-where Land

2006-04-08T15:53:00.001+01:00

I spent the week before last in the Dordoigne (spelling?) region of France, literally the middle of nowhere, where this is one of the most frequest road signs:
Beware those cows - you just don't know what they're thinking!!
I went to visit my horse, Music (ok ok so she's not acutally mine, but I looked after her for 8 years so she feels like mine) and her owners of course. It was fab to be out riding Music again, just me, a horse and the Creator of the Universe admiring his creation (and sometimes being soaked by the rainclouds he also created!!) It was great to escape work, to realise again that God loves me as much when I'm sitting on a horse in the middle of nowhere as he does when I'm organising outreach to old people or telling Latvian students about Jesus. I don't need to be doing things to be loved by my Heavenly Daddy, I can just be and he still loves me.
And - I managed to avoid any ditches when I took Mu out in the trap - always a bonus!

random musings from the last week

2006-03-13T19:22:00.000Z

- God is faithful even when I'm faithless - and he really does respond to the cry 'I believe! Help my unbelief!'
- I sadly live in a very white middle class area, so I find it weird to be in the racial minority
- Feeling a bit like the teacher in 'Dangerous Minds' is quite a cool expereince
- God can work through Homer Simpson (weak and foolish thing again?!)
- I miss my Relay prayer cell (thats not an instrument of torture even if it sounds like one) and I love praying with my friends
- I love being in places where its not weird to walk up to people and go 'So, what do you believe?'
- I find it difficult to listen to someone whose talking to me about re-incarnation without them going 'waawaawaawaa' in my brain (like Charlie Brown's teacher) Re-incarnation - what a rubbish idea! Imagine having to keep coming back forever - how tiring / boring / depressing - eugh!
- Why doesn't Harold Bishop understand grace, and how scary is he when he goes physco?
- Why does no-one in Cambridge City Council know how to book out Lichfield Commuinty Hall when surely its their job?
hmmm.....

Breakthrough

2006-02-23T09:23:00.000Z

We had a real breakthrough in the life of Rock this morning - we had a conversation about Neighbours after our 7am prayer meeting!!!!!!! I was so excited about the fact there were at least 5 of us engaging in a conversation about Neighbours (including Matthew who has threatened to sack me before coz he's caught me wathcing it!) - such a breakthrough - nothing can stop us now!!!

More cornish madness

2006-02-20T20:52:00.000Z

So what did we get up to in Conrwall? Well, it was the usual combo of questionnaires (oh the joy of walking up to complete strangers going 'Hi, I'm from the CU...yadayadayada' whilst thinking 'you think I'm a complete freak, don't you? And I don't blame you - if I were you I'd think I was a complete freak too' but then actually getting to talk to them about Jesus and it being great ... up until the questionnaire is finished and then you have to go an approach another random...), lunchtime talks (I did one on 'Is homer simpson good enough for heaven?' sadly no non-christians turned up, coz it was in some obsecure out of the way room - d'oh!) and grill a christians (or 'Gorilla-Christian.... had the very random experience of running round college with the philospical Andy Witherall dressed as a gorilla, inviting 6th formers to the event, then sat on a table in a corridor where loads of people hang out and chatted to teenagers about God whilst lots of them were snogging each other, and got to answer the brilliant quesiton 'so if you gotta be perfect to get to heaven n none of us are... how'd you get to heaven?', and lots of other more random quesitons) God did lots of stuff in the week, which was great, sometimes it was difficult to see what he was doing but we had a great reminder at Falmouth CU meeting, that evangelism isn't about being successful, its about being faithful, and I think we were faithful to the amazing good news of Jesus. We also had a lot of fun outside of college hours, spending time eating free teascakes in coffee shops, being creeped out by scary Canadians who own a huge haunted mansion and a very smelly dog, relaxing in the cushiest CUG accomodation ever (me and Steph got free amazing bed and breakfast, and were waited on hand and foot!), being grossed out by 'Derailed' (such a disgusting film - don't watch it!), and generally laughing a lot. It was great :o)

Male Bonding

2006-02-20T17:09:00.000Z

It wasn't just be that enjoyed Cornwall, Zippy had a great time too, hanging out with the lads. He had plenty of quality male bonding time where they taught him to be a man (grrr)

tiredness from cornwall

2006-02-18T18:22:00.000Z

I am very tired. I loved spending the week doing mission in Cornwall, but had a bit of a nightmare trip home (in total it took 11 hours though that wasn't all at once) so my brain is all fluffy and I'm over emotional (I almost cried in Tescos earlier coz there weren't any carrots - thankfully I managed to pull myself together n get some perspective on the sitation!!) so I'm gonna reflect on Cornwall properly in a few days. But here's a starter:

Do I work for UCCF?

2006-02-10T22:30:00.000Z

Sometimes it feels like it! I'm off tomorrow heading to Cornwall for a week - yay!! I get to spend a week telling lovely sixth form students about Jesus in the beautiful surroundings of the Cornish countryside... what could be better?! (ok maybe if it was summer and not bitterly cold it may be better... but hohum you can't have it all!) must go pack my camera....

A lifelong dream....

2006-02-07T12:49:00.000Z

I'm going to be a bridesmaid!! I'm so excited - I've never been a bridesmaid before, and I'm really happy that the first time I am its gonna be for one of my best mates, the lovely Nic Hall (soon to be Nic Chenomuto man I need to learn how to spell that!!) Nic sent me a little envelope with a load of jigsaw pieces in it, when I final managed to fit them together they read as above (it took ages for me to get it right coz I'd guessed what it was gonna say and was overexcitedly rolling around on the floor screaming!!) its gonna be sooo much fun :o)

Weak and foolish

2006-02-06T21:55:00.000Z

This saturday I was back doing what I love - working with randomly crazy people who all have a similar heart for random and crazy small groups of Christian students. It was a training day for FE CU's, typiclly for FE there were more people leading sessions than students, but I didn't care. I was back doing something that I felt like I knew how to do. A rare occurance at the moment. At Rock I feel out of my depth a lot, I feel I have very little experience, that I am very young and everyone else is more capable than I am. So it was great being back doing FE, not so much because I felt capable, but because I was reminded of who God chooses to use. Those oh so familiar verses 1 Corinithans 1:26-2:5 I love these verses, I've lead countless studies on them, asking the same questions as we were asked on Saturday, and yet I get stuff out of it every time I look at it (hey its like the Bible's a living word or something!!) God delights in using weak and foolish people, it brings glory to him. It was a lesson I lerant again and again last year as I watched God use two bizarre groups of people to bring glory to his name. God using the weak and foolish was a day to day occurane of life and was what motivated me to keep on working with these random CUs. But I haven't dwelt on the amazingness of that truth quite so much this year, I mean Rock seems pretty sorted (compared to Northbrook and Sussex Downs CUs anyway!!) But I'm not sorted, I'm still weak and foolish, and I really need to remember the truth of what Paul writes to the Corinithians. It doesn't matter that I'm young and inexperienced, I have the Creator of the Universe on my side, and he wants to use me!!

Encouragements of the day
1. Long Road CU grew by 50% and quadrupled its male population as 3 boys joined our meeting!!!
2. I invited one of the careworkers at the nursing home to look at the Bible with me, she's blatantly searching, she's going to get back to me.
Hooray for God!

death - what a cheery subject

2006-01-22T16:49:00.000Z

I've jsut got back from an old peoples home and I'm a bit shaken up (and there's no-one around to talk to and everyone I phone is either out or ignoring me so I'm gonna talk to my blog instead.... something quite wrong in that oh well). 14 old people have died in the home we visit in the last few weeks - 3 of them were regular punters to our services. So what - you say - surely its par for the course working with old people and yeh I spose it is... but there's still something in us that screams that death is wrong - this is not how it should be. And thats right, its not how it should be - check out Genesis 3 - death was not the original norm, but a punishment for our rebellion. Jesus came to deal with the enemy of death, and he conquered it, and we can conquer it too, if we're trusting in him we will have eternal life with im in heaven. But I supose I'm shaken coz I don't know how many of those 14 old people were ready for eterntiy. Ready for death in a n earthly sense, they definatley were, all very old and frail (the olderst was 97 - good old 'Granma' who would always shout at the noisier ones in our services telling them to 'be quiet'!!) but I have no idea if they were right before God, and I shoudn't dwell on it, for its not for me to know now. And there's nothing I can do about it now, no use praying for them now, they've already entered eternity, its too late. But there are so many more that its not too late for, and for those people I should be on my knees crying out to God for them, and proclaiming the gospel to them as clearly as I can. And its not just to old people - I have no idea how long the people around me have left... a morbid thought but an important one.

Prayer.... lovin it

2006-01-21T19:14:00.000Z

Prayer's great! I love it!! What a privilege that we can approac the throne of grace with confidence! I went to a fab prayer meeting this morning - at 8.30 am on a saturday morning, there were about 20 of us crammed into Matthews living room, a real mix of age, background and culture, praising God and interceding for our nation and our city. It was so exciting. Lately I've been 'reading' (ie listening to!) a book called 'Seven Great Prayer Warriors' which looks at the lives of some amazing men and women of God, whose trust is God was so apparent in their prayer lives. Prayer changes things. I've been seriously challenged to look at my personal prayer life. If I believe God is good, and He answers prayer, why aren't I on my knees more interceding for my friends, family, city, nation, the nations? I really wanna be a pryaer warrior!!

This time a year ago....

2006-01-18T19:15:00.000Z

January. My favourite month. Not. January last year was one of the hardest months I've faced in recent times. I had lots of things going on, not least my health was really bad. This time lsat year was when my eyes first started to hurt ot a point where I couldn't see. This was a well scary experience (well a series of well scary experiences), I didn't know why my eyes were hurting so much, I didn't know why I was losing my sight, and at times I even wondered if I was going to get it back again. I distinctly remember lying on my bed in my darkened room, head buried in a pillow listening to 'When the tears fall' by Tim Hughes and praying its final line: 'when confusion is all around me and the darkness is my closest friend, still I will praise you, Jesus praise you.' I was confused and scared about what was happening, but I knew that God would still stay faithful to his promises. I knew that he would never leave me or forsake me, and I knew that although this life can be big pants at times, Jesus is coming back, and he will wipe away every tear from our eyes. And if that is true, then I have no reason not to praise him, no matter what earthly situation I'm in. A year on, the pains been diagnosed as hyper-dryness in my eyes, I've been using eyedrops reguarly and now although I still get pain in my eyes its nowhere near as intense as it was. God remains faithful, and I still need to remember to praise Him in every situation.

Randomness of Ministry

2006-01-16T19:10:00.000Z

Christian ministry is hard work. Blatantly I'm no expert, I've only been in 'full time' Christian ministry (ie working for Christian organisations, obviously all Christians are in full time Christian ministry) for a year and a bit, but as another dull and dreary January roles around, I've again been struck by how hard this work is. Part of me longs to be back as a physics student (I know, that sonnds very weird, why would anyone want to do that?!) but as a physics student we were set weekly 'Problem Sheets' - things I didn't necessarily enjoy, but I'd work hard at them, struggle to do my best (well most of the time...... :o)) then hand it in and a week or so later I'd get it back with a mark on it - then I could see where I'd done well, and what I hadn't understand. It was easy to see how I needed to improve and what I should work on. Its not the same in Christian ministry. There is no end product, no mark out of ten, no ticks and crosses. I work with people, trying to work out how best to serve them, how best to encourage the Christian in their amazing journey with Christ and how best to explain to the non-Christian to their need of a Saviour, and point them to Jesus. I can't hand these people in to God to receive a mark out of ten for the work I've done with them, because its not my work anyway. Its His. And He graciously chooses to use me in it (becasue of his biazrre policy of delighting in using the weak the foolish). My selfish pride wants there to be outward results, so that I can point to them, to show people what a great church worker I am. But its not about me, and its not about outward results. Its about Him, and about being faithful to His Word. We've been doing services in old peoples homes every Sunday since September, its a tough work, partly because its very hard to see what God is doing. A lot of the old people can't really express themselves, so we don't know what (if anything) they've taken in. But is it for us to know? Should we not just keep proclaiming the good news and loving people the best we can? I suppose if I'm honest, I'm very glad that I don't receive a mark out of ten for my faithfulness to God, I know it wouldn't be very high. But thankfully God doesn't accept me on what I've done or haven't done - he accepts me becasue of what Jesus has done. And thats brillaint news. However hard Christian minsitry may be, it is blatantly such a privilege to have a job where I can spend my time telling people about this awesome God.

Dublin baby

2006-01-04T21:09:00.000Z

Well I've just returned from five days of fun in Dublin, which included discovering that Guinness actually isn't that bad (as long as its pulled correctly (we pulled our own don't you know!) (Zippy was a bit partial to it too!); rediscovering the grossness of meat and coffee; being amazing by awesome Irish scenery in Howeth (which could be the end of the world); discovering excatly how crazy random Australian girls can be; falling in love again with thebeautiful Irish accent; screaming about engagments; spending loooong times in coffee shops playing that card game with a rude name! ahhhh good times! And now I'm back in the rainyness of cambridge. Hohum such is life ;o)

still christmas

2005-12-26T20:50:00.000Z

Leading a service on Christmas day is very weird. When I woke up instead of instantly thinking 'hooray its christmas!' i thought 'oh no I've got to lead the service arghh its all going to go wrong!' and was therefore a little bit grumpy for a while, spending quite some time grumbling to myself about why I'd agreed to do this in the first place and the fact Christmas would be way better and more relaxing if I hadn't (to be fair, the Christmas day service at my home church is usually a bit of a pantomine, where anything can (and usually does) happen) However it didn't take me long to realise how stupid and sinful my fear and grumpiness were. After all, what could be better to do on Christmas morning than to proclaim Christ and his amazing gospel to people who don't know him? Through God's grace the service went well (with surprisingly few surprises!) man i don't get His whole delighting in using the weak and the foolish but for some reaosn he does choose to use me, even though I grump about it rather than delighting in it - what a fool I am, how incredible He is!

Is it wrong to be sick of christmas carols??

2005-12-21T13:17:00.000Z

Is it?! Is it?! I still have 3 carol services to go to... not sure i can cope!! (I'm leading one on christmas day... maybe I'll have no carols in it!!)

7 things

2005-12-16T22:24:00.000Z

Ok well its a friday nite in and i'm bored so I'll bow to general demand

Things to do before I die
1. Gallop a horse along a beach at sunset
2. Climb some more mountains (they don't have to be as big as Kilimanjaro!)
3. Become a Blue Peter presenter (or UCCF staff worker.. or both!)
4. Finish reading 'Desiring God' (its been on the go for a year and a bit now!)
5. Lead a friend to Christ
6. Understand boys
7. Get to know God better

Things I cannot do
1. Make God love me more, or less than He does
2. Cut in a straight line
3. Knit
4. Assemble 'Happy Street' without becoming annoyed at it (or any small child who trashes it as soon as I've finished)
5. Go into a CD shop and not pretend to read the backs of CDs
6. Juggle
7. Scooby-doos

Things I say most often
1. how weird/cool is that?
2. like
3. random
4. whats the deal?
5. That's interesting... (annoyingly due to Al's influence!)
6. annoyingly
7. Rubbish

Books I love
1. What's so amazing about grace? - Philip Yancey
2. The Single Issue - Al Hsu
3. Finding Joy - Marcus Honeysett
4. The Lion, the Witch and the Wandrobe - CS Lewis
5. Mere Christainity - CS Lewis
6. Round Ireland with a Fridge - Tony Hawkes
7. Facing Up - Bear Grylls

Films I could watch again and again
1. Forrest Gump
2. Chicago
3. Bring It On
4. Man in the Iron Mask
5. Bridget Jones
6. The Little Mermaid
7. Dangerous Minds

Christmas ramblings

2005-12-16T21:11:00.000Z

I met a one day old baby the other week. He was the 'Little Rocker Ever' at our mums and toddlers group. Seeing newborn babies just completely blows me away - they are so tiny, so fragile, so vunerable - and thats what Jesus was like. Jesus - the eternal Word, the Wonderful Consellor, the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace was a tiny defenceless baby. God made himself totally weak and completely vunerable. Jesus knows exactly what we're going through becasue he's been there. He's been a weak human being, who was tempted in every way yet did not sin. And because of his sinles life and incredbile sacrifice on the cross we can come to God without fear of rejection, because Jesus has dealt with our sin - how amazing! thats what Christmas is about, lets not let the busyness and commericalism get in the way of worshipping our amazing Saviour.
And if you happen to care about what the local residencts of the Cherry Hinton Road area of Cambridge think the meaning of Christmas is check out this video (that me and Al spent hours in the cold making!)
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/marshall.ntl/RockChristmas2005final.wmv

pretty pictures

2005-12-16T21:02:00.000Z

Well, I haven't posted for ages - sorry about that, been offline for about 3 weeks with internet issues (which have done my head in!!) but now i'm back wohoooo!! Here are some pretty pictures to make up for my absence (obviously they were taken when i returned to brighton for a fab weekend of fun (sadly cambridge has not maanged to acquire a sea and a old falling down pier yet :-( ))

Zippy big day out in Cambridge

2005-11-01T19:42:00.000Z

Ahh the delights of a digital camera, small yellow bear (is he a bear? if not what is he? Zippy obviously...) and a historic city. Zippy spent the day on Saturday with his friends Lou and Kath in a thoroughly over excitable state visiting several pretty colleges, Isaac Newtons Mathematical Bridge, watching the punts and visiting his favourite cafe in Cambridge (the Rainbow Cafe obviously, which his friend Lou also appreciated as its vegestarian) It may not be Brighton, Barcelona or Bulgaria (the other places Zippy has had fun days out in recently) but he still thoroughly enjoyed his time in Cambridge. Obviously he's moving through places alphabetically - Dublin next baby!

Reflections on turning 23

2005-10-28T11:11:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was my birthday - its always quite weird having a birthday just after you've moved somewhere, but I had a happy day being sung at by small children, being given lots of chocolate and receiving loads of text messages and phonecalls from lovely friends (who I miss a lot). So now I'm 23 - storming into the mid-20s - how weird. If I were still in Brighton I think I'd be feeling over the hill by now, but here I think all of my friends are older than me, so I stil feel like the baby. The weirdest thing is 22 years ago doctors didn't think I was gonna survive at all. I had cancer in my eyes. I've seen some of the correspondance that went on betweeen doctors at the time and they always seemed to be referring to me as an 'unfortuanate child' - if I survive I'd have either one of both of my eyes removed. However, I was prayed for in the name of Jesus and came through a course of radiotherapy still alive and with both eyes in tact, something that just doesn't happen with my eye condition. I'm so thanful to God for giving me these 23 years of life, I don't want to take any day fo r granted. I don't know how long I have to live on this Earth, but I do want to live each day for God and to his glory. I'm saying this knowing that actually quite often I don't appreciate every day, I'm not excited about getting up in the morning and living for God. But I should be, looking back over my life I can see so much to be thankful to God for, above all the fact he sent his Son to die for me so that I can have a relationship with him that goes on forever. How amazing! There are so many people on this planet who don't know about hte amazing relationship they can have with Jesus. I do, and I want to spend the days God's given me here telling people about it. Lord, help me break through my apathy.

Tooo heavenly minded?

2005-10-22T22:10:00.000+01:00

This week at TEAM (the mgithy Training for East Anglia Minstitry one day a week course that I go to on Wednesdays (yes once Ii've finished it I will be fully equipped to minister in East Anglia - obviouusly the rest of the world has a different gospel - blatanly you're only saved by grace through faith if you live within a 30 mile radius of cambridge - otherwise you ahve to work at it.... or move!! (sarcism in case you can't tell i'm not really heretic!) I had to speak on Colossians 1:1-8 where Paul praises God for the Colossians faith in Jesus and their love for all the believers both of which come from their hope of heaven. In my homegroup this week the phrase 'you can be too heavenly minded to be of much earlthly use was brought up', I was struck by how starkly this contrast with what Paul actually says in Colossains. Our faith and love should spring from our hope in heaven. We should be completely heavenly minded coz the we'll be of ultimate earthly good. If I'm sure I'm going to spend eternity worshipping the true and living God, if I know the only reason that I'm gonna be in heaven is nothing to do with what I've doen but all to do with what Jesus did on the cross for me, and if I know that those who are not trusting in Jesus will not be in heaven, then I'm living in reality and my actions should surely be of eternal earthly good. Lord - make me more heavenly minded, help me live in reality day by day, moment by moment, help me to point others to reality too. Make me so heavenly minded that I am of ultimate earthly use.

The delights of small children

2005-10-01T19:13:00.000+01:00

I've been in Cambridge a month now, quite bizarerely. Sometimes it feels like I've been here 2 days, sometimes forever. Strangeliy its sometimes the small children that make me feel like I've always been here. Earlier today, I wandered into the home of some lovely people from Rock who live down the road from me. I was greeted by their two and a half year old excitedly shouting my name over and over again, while her sister (whose 1 on monday) bounced up a down with a huge grin on her face and held her arms up to me. This really touched me, they know who I am by name and they are excited to see me, it makes me feel known and loved. How much more touched / excited / overjoyed should I be that the Creator of the Universe not only knows my name, He knows how many hairs there are on my head and everyting else about me. And he loves me so deeply. The kids are fickle - it doesn't take much for Jasmine to be shouting at me and Lily to be in tears - but God is not, He loves me no matter what I do. And I bet he gets excited when I spend time talking with Him. We have a brilliant Dad.

Identity

2005-09-19T21:14:00.000+01:00

Who am I when no-one's watching? This was the theme of our evang event at church last night (ok they're probably called something more grown up and church like now rather than the CUish evang event but you know what I mean!) Obvisouly something I've been thinking about quite a bit recently as most of what I know and probably falsely built my identity on has been stripped away. I can easily say my identity is found in God, that I am a child of God, loved by him and holy and blameless in hi s sight, but how much do I believe it and how does it make a differnece to how I live my life? Why do I still then seek approval from people around me? And care more about what they think of me than what God thinks of me?
I've spent the last two Sunday afternoons in old people homes, helping with a service and chatting to the old people. I always find it quite difficult to initiate conversation, coz your stripped of the basic get to know you quesiton of 'So, what do you do?' - all they do is sit ... all day... maybe drink a cup of tea occasioanlly .... possibly shout at each other.... but they are still seen by God as being ultimately precious, after all we are human beings not human doings - so why do I try and justify my existance by what I do? I should learn to just be, and appreciate being a child of God.

Life at Rock

2005-09-09T10:57:00.000+01:00

I've been working at Rock for a week now, and living in Cambridge for a week and a day. Its quite strange - I feel like I've entered grown-up-world. I now live in a very nice 3 bedroomed semi (with a conservatory, patio doors and 2 sheds!) in suburban Cambridge - never done surburbia before, its very weird that you can walk for age and see nowt but houses (as opposed to fields in Normandy and exciting shops and the sea in Brighton), and its not strange to be asked if I'm married and if I have kids! People at church are really lovely, and tthey all seem very excited about the fact I've come to work for them. They all seem to know who I am, even if they don't know my face, when I tell them I'm Lou they will go (without exception) 'ohh YOUR lou!' its a bit scary - I feel like a celebrity! (and like a idiot when I don't know anyones names!)
Its also very weird living in a place where you don't know anyone again - I miss all my Birghton friends sooo much! Though I'm meeting Rachel (one of my fellow physics girls) in town on Saturday, because she lives reasonbly close - I'm sooo excited about seeing someone that I've known for longer than a week!!
Anyway, I should get on with being a grown-up :o)

Here I go...

2005-08-30T22:24:00.000+01:00

From tomorrow I'm a Cambridgite - how weird! I've only ever visited the city 3 times in my life and now I'm moving there! How bizarre! And for those who keep asking, no I'm not going to the uni, I don't think my poor little brain is quite up to a physics pHD from Cambridge! I'm working at the brilliant Rock Baptist church (as far as I can tell full of some of the lovelist people in the world!) Am well excited about it now, having been in a bit of a strop with God for the past few days I'm now ready to jump into the unknown knowing He has the best for me. Bring it on! Anyhoo as I step into the unknown, I don't know where the next internet connection is coming from so I may be offline for a while (or I may not...!) Bear with me!

What does it mean to trust God?

2005-08-26T21:45:00.000+01:00

I was ponderingt this question today when I was out riding. God showed me that I am actually quite a lot like Kira, the horse I wsa riding (God speaking through horses... Balems ass comes to mind! (btw I will soon stop banging on about horses but as it stands at the moment, they are my world!) You see, Music, the horse I used to ride, didn't really used to trust me very much when it came to path I chose for her. She'd lived at the stables all her life and knew the surrounding bridleways like the back of her hoof. She knew exactly which the quickest way home was, and whenever I tried to tell her to take a path that wasn't the quickest way home, or a different path from usual, she'd set her jaw against the bit and stubbornly refuse. We'd have an arugment for a few minutes before she finally caved in and went the way I wanted her to, dragging her hooves all the way. Kira, on the other hand, is a baby, and doens't know her way around. She trusts me totally, never questioning the way I send her. She believes that I will take her home eventually. However, this doesn't stop her getting distracted along the way - starring into fields, forgetting where she's going, and sometimes getting scared by things along the way. But it jsut takes a kick in the ribs to get her back on course. I want to be more like Kira than Music with God. I don't want to stubbornly think I know best. i can see how I am like Kira, I want to do God's will without aruging, but sometimes I seem to forget who God is and that he is in control, I get distracted and scared by things along the way. I want to trust God more, but I'm not sure what that means. I htink I need a belt in the ribs!
'For it is written: Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. And so we say with confidence: the Lord is my helper I will not be afraid, what can man do to me?' Hebrews 13:5-6

2005-08-24T16:09:00.000+01:00

Ok, random picture of a cute horse... just because I wanted to!! (hey i only have use of my parents broadband for another week!)
This is Bluebell - she's a yearling foal at the stables - isn't she cute?!

2005-08-24T16:06:00.000+01:00

Going back and moving on… went to Brighton last weekend. Had a brilliant time, but it was really weird. I don’t live there anymore. I had a good time of closure with God though. I left kicking and screaming at the end of June, not wanting to go at all. But wandering through the Lanes on Sunday, I knew that however much I love Brighton, I have work to do elsewhere in the next year. I went to Brighton very excited about my move to Cambridge, I came back a bit more sombre with a bit more of a reality check. I love Brighton, I love the community I had there, I love being able to wander into a friends house, hang out with them for a bit then wander onto another friends house, I love the studentness of spending Saturday nights with large numbers of randoms eating pizza and shouting at X-factor, I love spending hours on end chatting with my best mates about life, the Universe and everything. I know not all of that will disappear when I go to Cambridge, but it will be very different. So as I start again to sort out and pack up my stuff, I’m still excited about moving to Cambridge, what God’s going to do in me and through me there, but I know its going to be hard, and I am afraid. But fear drives me to dependency on God, which is never a bad place to be.

2005-08-17T17:20:00.000+01:00

Its been an interesting week involving going to Thorpe Park for my brothers birthday (he’s 27!), attending a dismal opening game of the season at Aldershot (who lost 2-0 to Tamworth (the home of the famous pig) sadly the roof of the East Bank terrace at Aldershot was as leaky as their defence – I got soaked! Been riding The Beast (aka Kira) quite a bit (been told by quite a few old ladies that I’m riding a different horse – well noticed (and you are…?)) and reading the brilliant Jesus Driven Ministry (which I did start last November but WILL finish before I go to Cambridge!!) The highlight of the week has been spending the day at Soul Survivor with my wonderful mate Anna, who isn’t a Christian. It was well interesting seeing the event from an atheists perspective. Had the fab opportunity of praying for her (or sending out positive thoughts as she likes to think of it (however much I tell her I’m talking to the Creator of the Universe for her!!) I think she came away from it with quite a positive view, especially impressed at the unity of different denominations (which I am glad about coz it could of gone either way!!) tho she still doesn’t believe its true .. I spose only God can do that (I wish He’d hurry up!! I know, I know perfect timing n everything but still!!) Anyhoo, off to beautiful Brighton this weekend – yay!

2005-08-11T12:17:00.000+01:00

Its over a week now since I got back from Bulgaria – how bizarre – I think Bulgarian weeks must be longer than English ones! Still very much missing Bulgaria – the friendships, fun, sunshine, watching God at work, being spurred on in my relationship with Him by my team-mates, even the perpetual making a fool out of myself. But anyway, that’s gone now and I’m still here in Normandy. I have been appreciating my
surrounding more in the last few days – I do live in a beautiful place where I can wander out of my front door and walk for miles in stunning countryside. My parents are home from holiday now, so I have people to talk to! (and strop at… though hopefully not tooo much!) Music’s gone – a very sad day. But I’ve been given another horse to ride. Kira, a young, armchairish cob of about twice the width of Music, and half the brain power. Her owners even gonna pay for me to have lessons on her (to teach her to bend) which is soo nice, and I’ve been riding her out with some crazy Normandy housewives, which has been much fun. So God seems to be providing for me even in Normandy (what He’s everywhere??!)

(photo is of me and Kira (Steve - she's bay (brown with a black mane and tail - will educate you all on horse colouring!! :o) )

2005-08-11T08:23:00.000+01:00

I’ve been reading Isaiah recently. It’s a brilliant book. Just got up to chapter 35 where it gets a bit nice. The first 34 chapters are focused on God’s judgement of Israel, Judah and surrounding nations. Although this is sometimes grim reading, it has the occasional glimmer of hope and it reminds me of the complete holiness of God and how much he hates sin, and exactly what I deserve for rebelling against Him. Again and again God despairs of Israel and Judah putting their faith in the strength of their neighbours rather than in God. As Isaiah so aptly puts it ‘But the Egyptians are men and not God’ – yet Judah was still putting their trust in Egypt rather than in God. Why do I put my trust in things that aren’t God? Why do I think I’ll be ok if I have friends around me and I’m in a place I know? Surely I’m putting my faith in these things rather than in God. I want to trust in God. What’s the point in trusting other things – they are not God they cannot save me. And yet, even though I don’t always trust God as I should He still wants to know me. In chptr 35 Isaiah paints a beautiful picture of what heavens gonna be like – and the fact it is the redeemed who will be there. I will be in heaven, not coz of anything I’ve done but because of what Jesus did for me – we have an awesome God!

2005-08-07T15:27:00.000+01:00

After 8 years of looking after the wonderful Music (aka the Best Horse In the World Ever) as practically my own horse - tomorrow its Bon Voyage as she heads off to France to rejoin her owners who've moved out there. Normandy is gonna be a weird place without her - she's been part of most of the days I've spent at my parents house. We've had some good times and some not so good times - we've worked together (and come away with a few rosettes at local shows) and we've worked against each other (when usually I make friends with the ground quicker than I expcectd to!) She's been a really fun horse to look after - we get on quite well coz we're both quite stubborn and a bit stroppy. But anyway... she'll have to learn French now (and I can go on cheap riding holidays - hooray!)

2005-08-07T02:17:00.000+01:00

Our beautiful team

Well, a few days on and my stomachs glad to be back from Bulgaria (its loving the non-salty, non-greasy, non-gone-off-milky, slightly healthy breakfasts I've been feeding it!) but the rest of me not so much. Its really strange after having been surrounded by loads of brilliant, fun people for 2 weeks to suddenly be flung into complete solitude in the darkest depths of Normandy. However, thankfully the Lord doesn't ever leave us or forsakes us so its not like I'm completely alone! I've been learning more of the amazingness of his grace. Bizarrely - he loves me jsut as much now as I sit quietly and contemplate him (or even just bum around on the web) as he did when I was preaching the gospel in Bulgaria. Weird. Its like grace is a free gift or summat!! Anyhoo, apart from speaking with the Creator of the Universe, I've spent the past few days helping Dancing Dave caption a few of his 1200 photos (thanks Dave, its kept me entertained!) check em out! Also, we're on the UCCF website - get our fame!!

2005-08-05T18:23:00.000+01:00

Here are the lyrics (well the girls part anyway) of 'You are Holy' (I think by Michael W Smith) in Bulgarian. Its spelt out phonetically coz I'm afraid Cyrillic is still a bit beyond me!

Ti see svet Bog (ti see svet Bog)
Ti mogust see (ti mogust see)
E destoien (e destoien)
Swarvar tay see (Swarvar tay see)
Schtay tay sledwann (Schtay tay sledwann)
Schtay tay swooshum (schtay tay swooshum)
E obichum (E obichum)
Pres sich-key dnee (pres sich-key dnee)

Ti see gospadar
Na Tsar-atay Tsar
Say mogustey Bog
Ti vsechko see
Teb Emmanu-eel
Vay leigh chiertay
Ti seee k-naise nah mir
Ti see agnay-toe
Ti see jeeve moi Bog
Ti see me lois teef
Schtay tsar ruvush vechno
Praydi vsechko see
Ti see Alpha, Omega
Nar-chower e cry
Moi Sparsetel, Messeeah
Priartel, e Tsar
Ti see k-nays na mir
Schtay jevayer as zar teb.

2005-08-05T03:33:00.000+01:00

Right, Bulgarian reflections. Well - to explain, I've just been out on a UCCF summer team to teach english and the gospel to Bulgarian students. I had an amazing time, full of fun, fotos and the faithfulness of God. I was thoroughly refreshed again by the simplicity and amazingness ofthe gospel. Again and again I told of the love of God, of how Jesus' death deals with all our rubbishness and means we can come to God, I never got bored of telling it. At one point, when giving a talk on 'how can I have a relationship with God' I was almost moved to tears by a fresh realisation of what Christ had done for me. It was brilliant watching God at work bringing many Bulgarians closer to him, knowing that it was all him and not us. Like Paul in Corinth when did not go with eloquence or superior wisdom when we proclaimed the testimony about God. Even if we'd had these things before (which I don't think I do anyway!) they were totally stripped away by the language barrier and we were totally reliant on Jesus Christ and him crucified. We went in weakness and fear and with much trembling (especailly before the Bulgarian students arrived, when personally I just felt completely sick and helpless, not knowing how on earth i was going to communicate the gospel to these people from a totally different culture some of whom would speak practically not english). But we relied on God's power and saw him at work (1 Cor 2:1-5) God really does use the weak and foolish things of the world (and believe me we were increbibly foolish (what happened in Bulgaria, stays in Bulgaria the mantre which I'm afraid Mr Dave Long and his 1200 photos plus video clips may break!))

2005-08-04T21:19:00.000+01:00

Well, everyone else is blogging so I thought I may as well get on board. Dunno how long it'll last - I'm not the most reflective person in world! However, having a fair bit of time on my hands and my parents broadband at my disposal I thought I may as well. Also, having just returned from the amazing place that is Bulgaria I have many thoughts and musings rushing around in my head, which will probably help me to write down... even if they are incredibly dull to read!! They will randomly appear over the next few days!