Saturday, June 10, 2006

Decisions


Why are decisions so hard? I have two Good Things that I could do from September, and I'm struggling to choose between them. To be honest, I'm struggling to trust God with the decision. I'd find it a whole lot easier if He'd make it clear which He wants me to do, but I don't hink He will, I think He wants me to grow up and make the decision myself. And I'm scared to do that. Scared, because taking the deciison one way means another huge upheaveal, another time where everything changes, where I'm making new relationships all the time all over again, being completley out of my comfort zone and dependant on God, which I know in my head should be a good thing, but is really hard, and my sinful heart doubts that He'll be there for me this time. Taking the decision the other way, however, I'm scared that the second year will be much harder than the first, I'm scared that I'll get complacent and not depend on God as I should, that I'll get frustrated and wish that I'd made the other, or that I'll forget any lessons I've learnt in delibrating the decision in the first place. I'm scared to depend on God, and I'm even more scared to depend on myself. .... arggghh!! I hate making decisions! At least I know, that whatever decision I make, the God of Eternity will be with me - phew!

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